Jenny Cawthon, founder of Green Joy, is raising the bar when it comes to accessing healthy foods and vegetables. Jenny believes everyone deserves the right to healthy, wholesome foods and don’t think access, geography, or circumstance should impact the ability to get the nutrition needed for growing bodies. Green Joy believes if we can get kids eating 3-4 servings of vegetables each day, we will literally be changing lives for the next generation.

 

Links to things we discussed: 

Green Joy – website

Green Joy – Instagram

Green Joy – Facebook

Fili West Farms (South Carolina) – website

Dallas Farmers Market (Texas) – website

Bonton Farms (Dallas, TX) – website

Fresh Point (Dallas, TX) – website

Transcript:

Coming Soon

In our final episode of the series “How She is Nailing the New Year” Susan reflects on the conversations with Rachael, Jessica and Lindsey. She then shares a few of the tools she uses that help her clarify and ultimately succeed in reaching her goals.

Where to Find What We Discussed

Emily Ley Simplicity Challenge

The Business Lounge – Prosperous New Year

Vision Board Examples on our Instagram

Shanterra McBride, founder of Marvelous University discusses purpose partners

Conversation with Business Coach, Caytie Langford

Transcript

In our third episode of the series “How She is Nailing the New Year” Susan chats with organizational guru, Lindsey Taylor. Organizing comes easily for Lindsey, so much so she is seriously considering it as a side hustle. Today, she shares some of the tools she uses to keep things straight and encourages us to try a few of her tips out for ourselves.


Where to find what Lindsey and I discussed

Container Store – Gift Wrap Organizers

Container Store – OXO Pop Containers

Container Store – Clear Plastic Shoe Boxes

Emily Ley – 30 Day Simplicity Challenge


Transcript

Susan: Okay, Lindsey Taylor. I am so excited to have you on my podcast. I think it was you who pointed out to me not that long ago, that this month January, we will have known each other five years because our children met when your oldest—gosh, you have two now—when your oldest was three weeks old or was it two weeks old? I never remember.

Lindsey: She was three weeks to the day.

Susan: Three weeks to the day. And Will, mine, was, what? Six months? Four months?

Lindsey: Four months, I think.

Susan: You know these things better than I do. You know dates and you know numbers so much. You keep up with that stuff so much better than I do.

Lindsey: I know. But now you’re going to make me like tear up before we even start chatting about my love for you.

Susan: I’m just so excited to have you on this show to chat with us about something you are very good at or something you have a passion for. I would call it borderline obsession, and it is something I suck at. And it’s organization. But before I share everything that I know about you, the good, the bad and the ugly—I’m just kidding—I’m going to let you talk about yourself. So tell us a little bit about who you are and share a little bit of your passion with us.

Lindsey: Well, I’m Lindsey and I’m married to Scott. We have been married for almost eight years. It’ll be eight years in May. 10 years that we have been on this journey together. And we met through running. So in my past life, I was a marathoner. And that might be something I get back into in the future. But then my world changed like you said about five years ago, and I became a mama. So I have Caroline Grace, and she just turned five. She was our New Year’s Eve surprise baby. And from that moment on, things have been on her timing and she has shown her personality early but she is a delight and a joy and she’ll be going to Kindergarten in the Fall. And then we have our second miracle baby Jack and he just turned one right before Christmas. God has a sense of humor with my babies’ birthdays. And Jack is all boy. And as you’re coaching me, I’m learning about how to be a boy mom and to let go of some of my love of organization that he does not understand quite yet.

But yes, I have a passion for organizing. And we can talk about when that started, but I love it. I love all things, but I love making it accessible and easy depending on who the right person is.

Susan: So let’s chat about that. Where did this passion for organization come from? How did you get this gene and quite frankly, how did it skip me?

Lindsey: I will tell you that it is definitely not genetic. I love you Lolly if you’re listening right now, but I’m anxious to get my hands on to my mom’s house. So it’s not something that I watched, but I can definitely pinpoint and kind of look back at how I approach things and interacted with things. So I probably didn’t really play with my dolls like my American dolls, for example. I had a wonderful dollhouse that my grandfather built for me and my favorite thing to do was to take every single thing out of the doll house, clean the doll house, and then put everything back in its perfect spot, and kind of reorganize and redecorate. And I didn’t really understand what I was doing. But looking back as an adult, I realized I was organizing my doll house or I would organize my dolls things and that would kind of be my playing with them.

So I guess I would say that that’s where it started. And then some of it, I don’t realize that that’s what I’m doing and that I am organizing, that’s just kind of how my brain works and how my brain thinks. But there are other things that I definitely do not do as well. I shift a lot so when I’m in the process of organizing, I might move things from one room to another, in piles, as my husband calls them. And they were even in our wedding vows that I would work on my piles. So I definitely don’t want to give people and impression that just because you love organizing means that everything is always neat and perfect, because that is not how it looks in my house.
Susan: So you have a passion for organizing but maybe not taking pictures and posting all the pictures that you do have your organizing on Pinterest.

Lindsey: Correct. I use Pinterest sometimes as an example of things that I could do or to get ideas. But I think Pinterest can be a tricky place. So, I’m good at organizing so I could look at a picture of a closet and I could say “I could do that,” and I can use kind of Pinterest as my roadmap. However, something that is not necessarily my forte or my passion is arts and crafts. And so if I were to look at Pinterest and think that that was kind of the attainable goal, and it needed to look like that I would fail every time. So I think you have to be careful with Pinterest depending on what your strength is, are to recognize what your strengths are, to be able to truly see if that’s something that’s going to make you feel successful or not.

Susan: That’s a really good point because as a One that is something that I struggle with is I would see something on Pinterest and go, “Oh, it’s never going to look like that so thus, it’s never going to be good enough so why even bother trying. “

Lindsey: And I think that’s where organizing is kind of a four-letter word to people. And, you know I’m working with…We’ll talk about goals, I think later, but one of my goals for 2020 is to kind of turn this passion into a potential business or something where I could help others. And I think the one thing that I want to get across to friends that I’m helping or to future clients is that there is no right or wrong way to organize. And I think that just because your closet doesn’t look like the container store when you walk in, or just because you know, you can’t make your pantry look like that perfect Pinterest picture, doesn’t mean that it’s not organized. It just might mean that it’s not organized in that way.

I have been playing around with the idea of a beautiful mess because I think that, and maybe this is, you know, my love for my piles. But I think that messages aren’t bad, whether we think we ourselves are messes or you know, we’re looking at our closet and thinking that it’s a mess. I think you can make beauty from that. But you have to be open to making it work for what’s best for you and using the right tools for you, not the right tools because that’s what and society or that blogger that you love, or that beautiful home that you saw on the neighborhood home tour says you’re supposed to do.

Susan: That’s such a good point that inspiration doesn’t mean exactly. Does that make sense? Like it’s supposed to inspire you but you don’t need to replicate it to a T.

Lindsey: Right.

Susan: That’s really helpful.

Lindsey: And I think what trips people up is, you know, you kind of talked about how I have this gene and how I was born with it, I guess, and so some things just come naturally to me, and I’m learning as I’m researching more, and I’m talking to friends that not everybody thinks the way that I do. And so I have to really, I think, what’s a challenge and what makes me somebody that can really help someone is to figure out okay, what is that right system for you, Susan? Because even us being close friends, it may not be the right system for me.

And I think that in the world of organizing, people get caught up in, there’s only one right way. And here’s the road map. Here’s all the tools you’re going to buy and here’s all the money you’re going to spend, and it’s going to look like this. But if that’s not still kind of wired to how your brain is working, then you’re still going to fail. And it’s going to look nice for a few days and then it’s going to get messy again. And I don’t think that people need to continue to pay professionals to come back into their home. They may need somebody to help them at the start. But if you can figure out kind of the best tricks or if you can set smaller goals to help you, I think that in the long term, it will be longer lasting.

Susan: That makes sense. You think this is something people can do on their own. They don’t have to call in for help. Am I understanding your thought process on that well?

Lindsey: Yes and no. I definitely think that this is something that I encourage people to try. And it may be something as simple as trying to tackle a closet. I think that I am guilty of this. Especially as we start the New Year and the holiday decorations come down and it’s kind of a fresh start in your home and in your mind and so you want to tackle everything, or maybe it’s just the obsessive organizer in me. But that is not usually something that is a good idea. Because I think that focusing sort of on one room, or even one drawer is something that I think everybody can do by themselves. And I recently had a client that I helped and I was doing her kitchen and /or her pantry and she had a junk drawer and she was so embarrassed. “Oh, I have this junk drawer in my kitchen,” and I reassured her that everyone has a junk drawer in their kitchen because where else would you keep your post its and your breath mints, or, you know, for me, we have a lot of wine openers in our junk drawer.

And so I sent her a picture of what mine looked like. And before I went back to her home to finish the project, she had actually done the junk drawer by herself. And I had given her just some ideas and some tips of some tools that I use to kind of help hold my things in place. And like I said, a beautiful mess. And it still had “junk stuff” in it. But they all had their spot and their place to live. And she did it all by herself, and she was so proud of herself. And I almost think when you do it yourself, and you kind of put that hard work into it, it’s something that you want to keep that you have that pride behind it, and so you want to make it last longer.

Susan: I think you’re absolutely right on all of that. We all have a junk drawer, and we all have to go through it from time to time and I love that you’re junk drawers has junk in it and you just kind of make it, you make it work and you make it work for you. And that’s what’s important. It’s not about making it look pretty so you can post it on social media. It’s really about making your stuff and things in your home work for you. And I know that when I walk into a room, I can have a pile of books in the corner, and it’s not going to bother me because I know that those are books have trying to get through. But if I walk into a room, and there are Legos all over the floor, I’m like, “Oh, this isn’t working for me.”

Lindsey: Yep.

Susan: So what are some of your favorite organizing tips and tricks that you feel could benefit some of us working moms or work from home moms? What are some of your favorite? Especially in the stage of life that you’re in right now, that I’m in right now. We have young children. What are some of your favorite organizing tips and tricks that have really worked for you?

Lindsey: I love clear plastic shoe boxes. Mine happened to be from The Container Store. But I hit it up a few years ago at their annual sale and I think got 40 for 50% off or something crazy like that but you can even find them at the Dollar Tree. You can find them at an Ikea if that is local to you. But plastic shoe boxes have so many different uses. So I use them obviously for their main use as I put shoes in them. And because they’re clear, my shoes are put away and they stay dust free. I live in an old charming house but it brings in a lot of dust and so they stay clean, but you can visualize them.

And so that’s also what I use in my kids playroom a lot is I organize everything into a clear plastic bin. Now, what’s inside the bin is not necessarily organized. So if we have a bin for all of her magnets, they’re just all dumped in there. Because she’s five and that’s not going to be long term for me to put all the magnets kind of into a different little compartment. But I do have a space that she knows, okay, these are where my magnets live. They’re easy for her little hands to pop the lid off and put them back in and then she can put the box back into the cabinet where we keep those things. I would say plastic bins are my number one favorite.

My second favorite organizing tool is I love drawer containers and or drawer organizers. And so when I say that, once again, it doesn’t have to be from you know, whatever fancy organizing store or brand you have online or in your town. The dollar store will have them or I love going to Home Goods or what Garden Ridge used to be. At Home Now, I think is what it’s called. And just simple usually they’re branded art is desk organizers, and I think you have to kind of get your head out of what if I don’t have a desk, and that’s okay. That’s what I have my wine openers in. That’s what I have my post its and my Kleenex, all the things in my junk drawer. I might even use them in my little girl’s bathroom drawer so she has a bin that just has all of her hair rubber bands in it and a bin where her hair brushes go and it’s not to make her kind of anal and OCD but it just helps her know when she needs a hair rubber band she knows where to find them. I’m trying to teach independence.

And I would say my third favorite, or kind of my third favorite thing to organize is probably pantries. And I love using myself as an example because I don’t have a pantry. In this old charming house, we have just simple cabinets and the cabinets are what serve as our pantry. And so as much as I look at and pin all this beautiful walk in pantries that I dream about, as long as I live in this home, I’m not going to have that. And so I’m finding tools to kind of help organize. I think Oxo containers are every mom’s best friend. I personally have the Oxo brand but I found them recently for a client as an off brand at Home Goods. And they are just simple plastic containers that you can put your Cheez-It’s in or your Yeggie Straws or Wheat Thins, Oreos you know, sorry for all my friends on Whole 30 right now, but put all those in you can see how much you have, and your kids can see what’s in there and it keeps things fresh longer.

Because as a mom, I don’t have time to go to the store all the time and I don’t have time or the money to waste by having food go bad. So I think good storage containers in your pantry and then having baskets in your pantry. Or you could go back and use those plastic shoe boxes that we talked about at the beginning, and having a shoe box that has all of your gummy snacks or all of your granola bars in it and kind of having a designated snack area for your kids and family. When you come home from the grocery store, one trick that I like to say is take everything out of the box. So you bought granola bars, you bought fruit snacks, recycle those boxes and put them somewhere where you can truly see how many you have. Otherwise you might be guilty and you know, I’ve been guilty of it before too. I buy five things of oatmeal because I can’t see how many I have. And so instead I just have five half open boxes versus being able to kind of see the quantities. Those would be my kind of favorite organizing tools.

Susan: You know, as we’re talking about this, that is definitely something I do in my pantry, but I’m thinking about a place that I could do this that I don’t do this, and that’s in my fridge. Do you do this in your refrigerator too?

Lindsey: I do. So I don’t use the shoe boxes I use…I found them at Bed Bath and Beyond. And that’s kind of a side note. So I’m kind of naming all of my favorite places to find things. And that’s where I think using a home organizer or using a friend that has a passion like I do, because if you’re already overwhelmed about organizing, then sometimes walking in to a Home Goods is not going to help you feel like you can tackle your bathroom cabinets that day. Because there’s a lot of digging and there is a lot of trying to find the match of what it belongs to. Versus, you know, if you really are wanting to do this on your own and kind of start by yourself then I do recommend a place like The Container Store you are going to pay more, but it’s going to be less overwhelming. And there’s going to be somebody there that can kind of help guide you and show you the right areas of what you can buy.

Susan: So walking into the Container Store is helpful, because there’s somebody there who can guide you but if you’ve already got that person who can guide you and /or you don’t feel overwhelmed, hitting up the Dollar Tree or a store like that would work perfectly as well.

Lindsey: Absolutely. And I think it depends. So if I was going to come and help you organize your home office, let’s say, one of my favorite tools—I have a lot so I couldn’t fit it into my top three, but I would say my number four favorite is kind of unique to the Container Store and it’s part of their Elfa system and it’s my beloved gift wrap drawer which you have seen and that is a tool that they utilize that helps you get all those bags and tissue paper and gift wrapping ribbon all in a neat and organized way. And I’ve not seen something like that at other places.

However, the shoe boxes, or I love to use the cloth kind of pop up storage boxes. You can find them at the dollar store, you can find them at Target, you can find them at IKEA. And obviously, where you choose to find them the quality may be a little different. So it depends on kind of what you’re using them for. If you’re using them like I have them in my guestroom closet from IKEA. And they’re flimsier, but they’re not used all the time. And they help kind of keep that closet clean. But in my kids rooms, I use sturdier ones from Target because we’re constantly every day, getting the handles and going in and out of those, and I need them to last.

So I think you kind of have to weigh quality versus pricing. But I would say a plastic shoe box is a plastic shoe box, no matter where you get it. And so to be smart about where you want to spend your money and spend that energy of looking. I think they go kind of hand in hand.

Susan: And I appreciate you really thinking through—and I know you do this personally, you’re much better at this than I am—thinking through what is worth spending dollars on when it comes to organizing and what isn’t. I think sometimes it’s just easy to go, “Oh, I’m just going to go get that off Amazon Prime,” or “Oh, I’m just going to run The Container Store because I know they have it,” and just not think twice. And sometimes it’s okay, because that’s what you have to do because you have a child who’s cranky or whatever, you just need to get the errand run. But then there are other times where you can take more time and be a little more cost efficient and effective. And I appreciate that you do that regularly. And I think that’s something else that you do really well.

Lindsey: Well, thank you. Or you can have somebody help you. So, a client that I had, I purchased all of her things from Home Goods, because I live in a big city where I have access to one in my neighborhood, which is good and bad, and then from the Dollar Tree. And so those were the two places like I said we were doing her pantry and we were doing her kitchen cabinets, and I was able to kind of fulfill everything we needed. And we did make a few Amazon purchases where I kind of wrote down and she wanted to be able to pick some things out and to kind of have her personal hand in that.

And I think something too…And once again, maybe it’s my love for organizing, but I tend sometimes to get into that instant gratification where I just have to do this closet now and I’ve got to have everything. And so I find myself going to that one stop shop, whether it’s Target or Walmart. And I feel like so many different places have stepped up their game in kind of the world of organizing. But if you can be patient and sort of make yourself that roadmap, then I think you will find it to be something that’s not as scary when it hits your checkbook if a budget is important to you. It depends on kind of who the customer is. At our house, it is, and so sometimes I have to kind of slow down and not be so ‘I want it now’ to make sure that I am finding the right price of things.

Susan: Well, I think having that ‘I might want it right now, but I don’t need it right now,’ I think that’s something we could all do a better job of incorporating into our lives. I mean, one of the things we keep hearing about with using Amazon constantly and hey, I’m not dogging Amazon, I am as guilty as using Amazon as anybody. I used it this morning. But it’s how that affects our environment as well. And I know that’s like a whole different tangent we could go down. But when we think about things, it’s not just your pocket book that’s affected, it’s the environment as well. So I think everybody should definitely look at this from one side or another, no matter…I mean, it affects all of us. What are some of the tools that you incorporated in 2019 that you’re going to be carrying with you into 2020? Because 2019 your life changed yet a little bit again. Well, no, it was in 2018, I guess when the little guy was born, but 2019 was kind of crazy.

Lindsey: Yes.

Susan: So what are some things that you incorporated in 2019 that you’re carrying with you into 2020?

Lindsey: I think the two big things is, I would say, the courage to say no, and the courage to walk away and be okay with that. And that kind of goes into 2020. And I’m not usually somebody to have a word, but courage keeps kind of popping into my head, because I think those are both examples that might bring up negative connotations. But also, you know, to have the courage to start an organizing business or to have the courage to try something new, whatever that looks like, fill in the blank. But I would say kind of organizing my life, and I don’t mean through plastic shoe boxes and through a really fabulous planner, but I also highly recommend Erin Condren or Emily Ley’s life planners. I’m an old school pen and paper girl.

But I would say, organizing my feelings and my relationships. And so that’s where it came the courage to be able to say, “No, I’m not going to volunteer for that this year.” Or “no, I’m sorry, I can’t have that position at church or at my kids school.” And the courage to walk away from some friendships. I did that this year. And it’s scary and it’s hard, but I think that I needed to kind of reorganize my emotions, and that involved that.

Susan: That’s excellent.

Lindsey: And I think a lot of, you know, I used to think, when we talk about the Enneagram, I used to think that I was a One because I love to organize and well, the One is the perfectionist and so because you know, my shoe drawers are perfect or I am one of those people that my personal closet is color coded, and it makes me very happy to have a rainbow in front of me. But you look to the left where my husband’s clothes are and they’re not and he doesn’t even have all the same hangers and that really drives me crazy, but that’s okay because those aren’t my clothes. I don’t have to worry about that. And I’m certainly not going to color coordinate Caroline’s closet because It would last for about two seconds and would give me unneeded anxiety when I could focus that in other areas.

But part of my tools of having the courage to organize my life and my relationships and how I want them has helped me realize I am an Enneagram 2, and wanting to be liked and loved and needed. And that can be a really positive thing, like, it can help me in a business of helping people be organized. I just have to make sure I have the right motivation and intentions behind that.

Susan: That is such a good point, the right motivation and intention. It’s something that I struggle with as well, as an Enneagram one. Like, why am I trying to perfect this specific thing right now? Yeah, so I really appreciate that. And I love your word for the year that it’s courage. That’s a great word.

Lindsey: Well, and I think that you know, my heart for wanting to help people organize or you know, my hopes of somebody can listen to this and walk away and think, gosh, I can tackle that one drawer in my master bathroom. You know, it goes back to resolutions and goal setting, and I am somebody to say it’s okay to not have a new year’s resolution or it’s okay to not have a goal. I’m going to have to kind of look back at the last five years of my life and I’m, you know, I really resonated with your infertility podcast because that was a big part of my story and going through treatment and then ultimately having the baby and then going through postpartum depression and being treated for that. I would set myself these New Year’s resolutions that you know, when I fill in the blank or if I fill in the blank, whatever that looks like, then I’ll feel, be, look, etc, better or somehow feel whole. It can be a whole slew of things. And I’m not dogging resolutions at all, and I’m not dogging saying, hey, if your resolution is when I lose those 10 pounds or walk the 100 miles that I’ll feel better, because you probably will. There’s validity to that, but I see the kind of approach goals in the New Year similar to organizing and for me…

Susan: Don’t beat yourself up.

Lindsey: Well, becoming a new me or, you know, I think I saw a quote, and I’m going to butcher it about how tomorrow is January 1 and I can’t wait to meet all of these new friends of mine because everybody says, like, you know, I’m going to start this new year. And I’m becoming a new mean instantly on January 1 isn’t sustainable to my personality, just like I don’t want somebody to beat themselves up because they try to do that master bath drawer and it doesn’t work. That’s okay. Maybe that wasn’t the best place to start. Maybe go organize your china cabinet and your dining room that you use once a year. And so you can fix that cabinet, it can be perfectly organized and you’re not going to touch it again for 12 months, but hey, it stayed organized. And that should be something that you’re proud of.

So I think that having your whole house or your whole life or all of a sudden using a paper planner, when you’ve never used one before, “Oh, you forgot to write that doctor’s appointment down, paper planners aren’t for me.” Give yourself grace. Because if somebody were to tell me that I had to 100% use a digital calendar, I would have a complete heart attack, and I could not do that. And that’s okay. We’re all different and we’re all wired differently. And so like we talked about the beginning, organizing is going to look different for everyone, but I think it can be a really freeing and a really liberating thing w you kind of do, let some of that stuff go. And that doesn’t means that your house has to look like Marie Kondo says it does.

Susan: I love that. And I love everything that you just said,.That is fantastic and so helpful. And just the way you said it was so peaceful and so kind, because I think as women, we’re so bad, just about beating ourselves up all the time, that nothing that we’re doing is enough. And just the way you said that just gave me such peace of mind going into this year, because it can be so stressful.

Lindsey: Absolutely. Well, and I think people might be laughing at me that I might compare organizing to a scale. But as somebody who has kind of been through a whirlwind of five years, you know, to me, it’s like you don’t make that one gym class, or you can’t lose those last five pounds and you might get into your head, and this might be a little enneagram one in me, “Okay, I’m never going to be in shape again.” So just because you can’t keep your shoes organized doesn’t mean that you can’t have an organized life. That just might be not the right place for now. I know shoes are a silly example. I probably as a mom, I want all the moms kind of to hear that where you are in this stage of life, like, yes, my daughter knows that the magnets go in the shoe box. But if you were to look at my house, at the end of day, I work from my home and so my kids are with me a lot and things go everywhere. But because we have an organized system, then when my husband and I do attempt to tackle the mess after bedtime, it’s easier to pick up because we know where things are supposed to go. But that doesn’t mean that my kids don’t make messes or that things don’t get out of hand. And I have to decide like, hey, at one point, I had all of her Barbie shoes together and they’re not anymore. And I’ve got to let that go. That might have to do with my word of courage, is deciding where to pick my battles. But I think just taking baby steps and organizing. And maybe it is hiring that professional to help kind of get you a kickstart just like people might hire a nutritionist, that nutritionist isn’t going to eat every meal with you but they’re going to help give you the right tools that hopefully when you are making lunch or dinner or choosing a snack at the store, that you know the right ones to choose. That’s how I see kind of personal organizing.

Susan: That’s awesome. I’m going to ask you one more question, and it can be as short or as long as you want it to be before I let you go.

Lindsey: Okay.

Susan: And that is, what are you reading right now? And what are some books that should be on our list for 2020?

Lindsey: And I’m laughing at myself when I talked about my tools, my courage to say no, and to walk away because ironically, the book that I’m reading is called How to Walk Away. And it’s by Katherine Center. It was actually recommended by you. So I’m reading that. And next on my list is a book called A Woman is no Man by Etaf Rum. And I know that it’s going to be a heavy book. So I’ve kind of been putting off of when the right time to read that. But I highly recommend and from the reviews that I’ve read for any woman who’s listening to pick that up, especially in the political climate that we’re in this day and age, it’s about three Palestinian women living in America and their story. So I will have to report back after I read it.

But kind of books that I think should be on everyone’s list. I loved 100 Summers by Beatrice Williams. She writes historical fiction about things that you may not necessarily have known happened in America and there’s always romance and there’s always a little bit of drama. But 100 Summers would be my favorite book of hers. I loved, you know, The Great Alone and Where the Crawdads Sing. I think those might be cliche answers because the books have been so popular, but don’t be scared to read them because they are. And then I would say my last two if y’all can’t tell I’m a reader. And if somebody is planning a beach vacation this year, I think you should read Cancel the Wedding by Carolyn Dingman. It is just a light hearted, fun read, but actually does have a little history in it. And then if you’re wanting a book to stick with you, It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover has never left me. I read it in 2017 and it’s about domestic abuse and how it really can happen to any of us. So it was a really powerful fiction book for me. I love to read. So that’s my escape from organizing, is to read.

Susan: I love it. And I hope you’re enjoying How to Walk Away. I didn’t realize you were still reading it. I hope you liked it as much as I did. Thank you so much for being here today. This has been so much fun.

Lindsey: Absolutely.

Susan: I know you have a ton to get to for the rest of your afternoon. I think a little certain somebody I can kind of hear him in the background.

Lindsey: He’s not too happy.

Susan: I love that he joined us because one day he’s going to hear this recording and he’s going to go “What is that?” And you’re going to go, “That was you, you little stinker.”

Lindsey: Refusing to take a nap.

Susan: Sweet baby.

Lindsey: Yes.

Susan: Alright, friend. Well, thank you so much. I appreciate it today.

Lindsey: Thank you for having me.

It’s 2020 and Susan is starting us off with a fun new series! “How She’s Nailing the New Year” is helping us kick off a new decade by chatting with amazing women who will help walk us through some of the tough questions we ask ourselves when it’s time for a fresh start. We couldn’t be more excited to kick off these inspiring conversations with the founder of Selfish Mom Project, Rachael Tapper. Rachael encourages each of us to determine how to live into our best selves for the season that we are in.

Where to find Rachael
Website
Facebook
Instagram

Transcript

Susan: Rachel, I am so excited to have you on the show with us today. One of the things that really drew me to you, or I guess we got connected a few years ago and was what you were starting with the Selfish Mom Project, we got connected through a friend and I just thought what you were doing was so needed for moms who are coming out of a time where they have a newborn or they have a lot that has gone on in their lives and are just looking for that next step and to figure out how to basically re-fined themselves and I think you’ve done that really well over the last couple of years and I have been an admirer from afar.

Rachael: Thank you.

Susan: So, for my audience who is not familiar with you or your work, would you tell us a little bit about yourself and then how Selfish Mom got started?

Rachael: Absolutely. So I’m a mom of three. I have a 10-year-old, a 6-year-old and a 2-year-old. So I am in those preteen and potty training days.

Susan: Oh, it’s that time.

Rachael: Yeah, they are long but they go fast. And we have a crazy chaotic life. But it’s fun. I never imagined that honestly, I would ever really be a mom. I have a brother that’s 10 years younger than me. I felt like I had been a mom most of my life and so I was never really interested in having kids. We got pregnant right after we got married. And I got thrown into this motherhood business very young. I was 24, almost 25 and decided a couple of years after that to have another child. So I was pretty content with two, went in to go get my tubes removed and found out that I was six weeks pregnant with our third child.

So, you know, we always say that if you ever wonder if God has a sense of humor, come talk to us because we think he does. But I struggled a lot with that last pregnancy, and not that it was a bad pregnancy. It was amazing, but just my mindset wasn’t really good. You know, I felt guilty that I wasn’t necessarily happy about that. And I’m so thankful I have my third baby, Max, he’s just such a blessing in our life. But I struggled really hard with postpartum depression after each one of my pregnancies, but especially with Max.

And we had friends over one night, and I had always kind of been in the health and fitness industry so I’d always run like a business online but I had kind of backed away from that because I was just in such a bad place, I was depressed, I had horrible anxiety, horrible overwhelm. I was really struggling to get back to myself and love myself. And we had friends over and you know, couple bottles of wine, and Rachael getting real raw and telling, you know, everybody in their place. I just was like, you know, I need to be selfish for like two months, like I just needed to be selfish for like 60 days. And I woke up the next day and had a hangover that I was definitely not proud of, but my husband kind of joked around and was kind of making fun of me that I was like, going to do this Selfish Mom Project, and I was like, “You know what, actually, I am going to do it.”

And I started a week later, November 1, 2017, I decided to start doing my own Selfish Mom Project, never expecting it to go anywhere or even remotely become what it has actually turned into. I really just thought I was going to have 60 days of honestly like mani, pedis, massages, ladies who lunch like, I just thought I was going to have fun. And I did have a lot of fun but what I realized was that it was never about all those things. It was about finding a different way to love myself and get to know myself again, and just really step into what my truth was. You know, I love my kids, but one day they’re going to leave me. And I kind of joke a little bit that every time you have a kid, it kind of like sucks a little bit of you, out of you because you have someone else to take care of and I was really struggling and that 60 days was exactly what I needed. And I just shared my journey on social media and outreach and support that I got was so overwhelming. To hear that so many other moms were going through the same thing that I was, and to be able to just be one step ahead and share how I was getting better, and getting a handle on my depression and my anxiety and my overwhelm and to be able to help other people. It was just, it was amazing.

Susan: I really appreciate that rawness and I really appreciate how you were vulnerable online and had the willingness to talk about it in public. And I think it’s one of those things that to one degree or another, all moms deal with this. It may not be all the way to postpartum depression, but we all deal with some sort of struggle of reconnecting with ourselves and finding who we are again after we’ve had a child. I think you’re absolutely right. And the more we talk about these things, I think the more out of the shadows things like this are, and I think the more we can grow together is just better for everybody. So I really appreciate you doing that. And really just putting yourself out there and, and sharing with others. I know it has made a difference in so many lives.

Rachael: Thank you. I really think it’s important. You know, I’ve always been real and raw nearly for the fact that like, I was raised not to lie, and I needed so many people to be honest with me about how, you know, that there are the great moments that we get to see. But it’s the behind the scenes moments that shocked me when I became a mom. Like, I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be, no one told me that. And I was the first one of my friends to become a mom and I just wish that somebody would have told me that and so I’ve just always promised that if I found myself in a position where I could, I would share that.

Susan: Absolutely. And I think the community you’ve created also helps with that struggle. And by community I mean, it is an online, and I know you do some stuff locally as well, but it’s also an online community on Facebook that you have put together, and I see women talking about these things and you blog about these things. And I just think that connection alone and not feeling alone, what you’ve created is something that women just really need. And I think the more who can find that, just the better, quite frankly. So, a little bit about how that piece came into fruition, like you started The Selfish Mom Project. It’s rachaeltapper.com. Am I correct?

Rachael: Well, you can do rachaeltapper.com or you can do selfishmomproject. com.

Susan: Okay. So you started the blog, you created this platform. How did it keep going? Like, where did it go from there after your 60 days was finished?

Rachael: So this is actually a really funny story, and I have not told this story very often just because it is such a vulnerable piece of a really bad day that I had. But I finished The Selfish Mom Project. I did my 60 days. And every day that I did it, I did a hashtag like, day one, Selfish Mom Project, day two, you know, going on to 60. So I shared it every single day. I was very open about every aspect of my journey. And like I said, the emails and everything just like poured in, like text messages, random people from literally all over the world. And January 1 rolled around, and I knew there was something like in me that just kept telling me to keep pursuing it, but I didn’t know where to go. And Max my, you know, surprise, he still does not sleep through the night at two years old.

Susan: That’s hard.

Rachael: But he definitely didn’t when he was younger. He’s just not a good sleeper. He’s not a good napper. It was just, this particular day was just bad. I was not like a good mom moment. I was not a good wife this day, I was just having a crappy day and sat down. And Max was in his room crying. And I was like, “Well, I’ll just let him cry it out four and a half time, hopefully we’ll go to sleep. I’ll give him five minutes.” But I was like in tears, and I just, you know, had finished a book, a Gabby Bernstein book that I had re-read. She’s an amazing author, I love her. And she said, you know, when she’s in a time of need, she just gets on her knees and prays. And I realized that it had been a long time since I had hit my knees and really just prayed and I sat in this chair in our house and sobbing, crying, begging God to just show me what I needed to do next. Like, where did I need to go next? Do I need to just walk away from this project. Was it done? Was there something else and I literally… It’s kind of like that what’s the baseball movie? Like, if you build it, they will come.

Susan: Field of Dreams?

Rachael: Yes, I had like that Field of Dreams moment. You know where it was I literally heard a voice in my head that said, “If you build it, they will come.” And so I quit praying and I went upstairs and I got Max and I put them on the floor, I got out my laptop, and I was like, “I’ll just start this private group.” I had done private groups for years when I was in the health and fitness industry. And I was like, “I’ll add one person,” and it was a girlfriend of mine and I texted her and I said, “Just let me know what you think about the group, I might like try and promote it.”

So she messaged me back the next day. And she’s like, “I love it, let’s share it.” And in two months, the entire process, I’ve added one person to this group, and in two months, it grew to over 1200 moms. And I just have always been proud of it being an organic growth. And you know, like any Mom, I go through seasons, where I’m in the group a lot and seasons where maybe I have to take a step back from just posting in there, but it’s always been like a steady stream of just moms supporting other moms and just really opening up the conversation and not putting any stigma on what we should be or who we are, who you have to be, if you have to be one particular kind of mom or not. It’s just a place for us to all, you know, whether you need to vent, if you need help and growth, or you just need somebody to talk to. That’s what that group is for.

Susan: Well, I think it’s great. And I think especially kicking off the New Year, it’s always helpful to find like-minded people who are in the same things that you were in, the stage in life, but also who are wanting a little bit more from that stage. And I think collaborating with others, and just bouncing ideas off of people and just being a support group. And all of the above, I think is really beneficial. I know when I’m, and I know you feel the same way, when I’m stuck in a rut, it’s my crew around me, that helps pull me through the weeds sometimes.

Rachael: Totally.

Susan: And I think this crew is really helpful with that. Share with us a little bit about your…I know this past year has been another big wellness year for you. How did you—and I mean 2019—how did that kind of…Did it fall into your lap? What were you looking for when you were looking to build either on The Selfish Mom Project or was it something totally different? Share with us a little bit about how that came about.

Rachael: Well, my wellness journey I think it’s definitely 2019, and me just physically healing and a lot of you know, emotionally healing and always growing. If we’re not growing, we’re not alive. And so the physical side really started years ago, but I kind of, you know, because I was taking care of my kids, I just kind of put everything on the back burner, which is not something that we should do. I use the example that when our kids have like, their stuffy noses or they’re coughing or their throat hurts, like we are so quick to make a doctor’s appointment for them because we are the advocates for our children. You know, we want to make sure that they’re safe, and they’re healthy and they feel cared for, but we don’t, you know, we always put our self on the back burner.

And so I had done that for many years, I had put my physical health on the back burner, and just started doing some research. I had implants in for like 15 years. And when I started doing the research, I realized that you know, there was this breast implant illness out there that a lot of women were struggling with. There’s a Facebook group for that as well if that’s something that anybody is interested in. But I just started doing a lot of research and realizing that I needed to put my health both physically and mentally, like on the front burner, it needed to be like the favorite burner, the one that you always put your…That you start first.

And then I was really, you know, it started to affect me being a mom. We would go on vacations, I couldn’t stay awake during the day, I would have to take multiple naps, I really wasn’t able to fully commit to my work and what I really wanted to do because I was so sick all the time. And we decided, you know, my husband and I decided that it was time to remove the implant and just move on. And it’s been an emotional journey because I’ve, you know, this is something that I’ve had in my body for 15 years. It’s been a physical journey. I wasn’t, you know, the hardest thing ever is to wake up and you’re not allowed to lift more than 10 pounds for like 12 weeks.

Susan: Wow.

Rachael: And you have a two-year-old. So, you know, it’s been a lot, but I just…You know, and whether it’s…You know, like the fact that it was an implant means nothing. But the fact that, I guess that what I really wanted this year was to share with women, that if something doesn’t feel right, that you have to fight for your health. And whether that is mentally or physically, you really just…No one is going to fight for you. You’ve got to step up there and do that. Your health is just as important as our children’s. If not more, because without our health, we can’t take care of the family in the capacity that we want to. And that’s really where I found myself in September and then had the surgery in September. And I have never felt better, physically and mentally. I feel amazing.

Susan: That is such an empowering story.

Rachael: I mean, it was scary. It’s totally…It’s always scary to go through surgery. All my anxieties came back out and I will tell you, you know, we were talking just before this about surrendering. And four days before I had surgery, my two-year-old broke his nose doing things that you tell your two-year-old not to do.

Susan: Of course, that’s what happened.

Rachael: Yeah, I know. I didn’t have surgery. On the day before my surgery was like ripping his cast off his nose twice. And it was just so stressful that I just had to… I had to surrender and be like, hands up, white flag is raised. This is, you know, I’ve just followed wherever God’s told me to go. And yeah, I mean, it was scary, but it was so necessary. I feel like so much has changed just in the last month. You know, once I took a handle on my health, everything else in my life improved. You know, I wrote a book, and it wasn’t the book that I had previously wanted to put out. This was like a completely different book that I was able to write in 30 days because my brain came back and my health came back, and I was forced to recover in a bed and sit down, which I had never done before because I’m a mom of three, me binge watching anything on Netflix just isn’t the way that I work. So I opened up and I started writing. And it was just amazing that this all came out when it did because I had I not had that surgery, I never would have gotten my health back. I never would have been forced to sit down and just work. And my business since then has exploded. So it’s just really, you know, once we can take control of that health aspect, whether it’s physically or mentally, so many other things can come into play in your life. It’s crazy how it unfolds.

Susan: And the book that you’re speaking about, is this the book that’s available now or the one that will be available in June? Because you actually have two in the…

Rachael: I have two. So this is the one that is out now. And it is a 60-day guide book. It’s called The Selfish Mom Projects, a 60-day guidebook to being selfish and finding yourself. And this is basically what I wished someone would have given me when I started The Selfish Mom Project. Like I said, I thought it was going to be mani and pedis kind of deal and just all like fancy, and it wasn’t. And this is everything that I learned in those 60 days and just kind of guiding moms through their own Selfish Mom Project for…You know, I’ve always taken clients on separately, but I wanted to be able to create something that will help everyone and be at a price point that everybody could have and I wanted it to be at the fingertips of the masses because there’s only one me to work with. But this, I wanted to be able to help… My goal has always been to help as many moms as I possibly could.

Susan: And it has journal prompts in there as well, correct or am I mistaken?

Rachael: It has journal prompts, you’ll find daily gratitude, what I call “The Four Selfish Mom Love Languages,” which are social, emotional, physical and spiritual and kind of how to hit those little points every day, a space for you to write an affirmation or mantra, I also provide them in the resources section of the book, and then it has a to do list with only three things a day to do. Because the whole point of Selfish Mom Project is to put down the overwhelm and anxiety. And what I have found is that placing more than three things on my to-do list every day, creates anxiety and overwhelm. And we talked about creating a bucket list and it’s just a really… I’m really proud of this book. I think it’s an awesome way to segue into this next book, but I wanted to start everyone off with this amazing 60-day guidebook.

Susan: And I really cannot think of a better way to start the new year. I think this would be a great place for women who either find themselves in a rut or find themselves with a newborn, or just find themselves in those first couple of years. Like, I remember when I first started talking about the podcast, or whatever this vision was, it wasn’t a podcast at the time, but I was coming out of those first two years. So it would be how old Max is now. I was finally coming out of that, “Oh, he doesn’t need me as much as he did because he’s going to have school and he’s going to have all of this other stuff.” And I’ve put everything I have into this little Munchkin for the past, you know, 18 months, two years and where did I go? So I kind of hit that burnout phase as well. It sounds like you’ve hit it a few times. I think we all hit it a few times. And I think this guidebook would be a great way to start the new year if you find yourself in that place where you’re either at, I don’t want to say rock bottom, because that that seems a little too dramatic. It could be, but you don’t even have to be a rock bottom.

Rachael: Right.

Susan: You could just be sitting on that back burner, and not even realize you’ve put yourself on the back burner.

Rachael: Totally. And when I look back on it, you know, and just being honest here, I think that I was so frustrated because I always felt like I was just a mom. And I hate that thing because we’re so much more than that. Women, like, we are designed and put on this earth, yes, to be mothers. And it is an amazing opportunity to be a mother. I’m so blessed that I have it. But I also just, I felt bad for a long time for wanting to be more than that. And it was not okay. It took me many years to realize like, it’s okay for me to want to be a mom, but something else too. And because I had kids when I was so young, I think I never really got to develop that other side. And so I’m so thankful to be you know, that I’ve done the work, which is a lot that you’re going to, you know, you’ll do the work in this guidebook. And to just get to the point where I’m at now.

Susan: Absolutely. Well, and as a mom who had a child, when she was a little bit older, and we had infertility struggles, so on top of that, I finally became a mom. And then I was like, “Oh, is the rest of my life over? Is everything that I just did these last eight years, you know, in my professional life and in my social life and everything else, is that totally gone? Is that or not because now I’m a mom and that’s all there is, like, am I over?” And I think once you get out the newborn stage, because that’s a whole other stage in itself, and once you get on the other side of that, having the opportunity to kind of take some time to explore for yourself is really something that I think everyone should do.

Rachael: Totally.

Susan: Because you have changed, and I don’t think it’s a bad change, I think it’s a good change. I think it only enhances who you are as a person. But I think you need to go back and remember who you are as a person too. And I think that that’s hard.

Rachael: Yeah, and that’s what this guidebook does, it’s just kind of remind you. And maybe it’s not even a reminder, but it’s like discovering something new. And that’s what I think that I did i discovered something new about myself and my ability to go in a different direction or you know, I never thought that Selfish Mom would get to this point ever. And I mean, maybe it’s a reminder of who you were, and you can take those little nuggets back into this new life of being a mom, or maybe it’s just discovering something completely different, which is okay too.

Susan: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think that is so well said. One of the things you and I first talked about when we first met, I’ll never forget, we were sitting in a coffee shop. And you were talking about the importance of vision boards. And at the time, I had just finished my very first one that I had ever done, because my own business coach had encouraged me, “Hey, you’re starting this new thing, this would be a great way for you to really visualize what you want to do.” And I know you’ve done some vision board workshops in the past. I’m sure you have some that will be coming up. I know in December, I think you did one or you talked about doing one online. Can you share a little bit about what your process is for vision boards? I know you love getting out the magazines and cutting and all of that type of stuff. Share with us a little bit about what that process has looked like for you.

Rachael: Yes, I’m a big believer in vision boards, or just in general finding vision outside of motherhood. I do the old school but I also do the online version and I you know, save that and it’s like the backdrop on my computer or my phone, places where I’m looking at randomly throughout the day. But I also think that finding vision is a process. And it’s one where you need to really just get quiet and you know, do some prayer, do some journaling, meditate, really finding out where you want to go.

I have a whole, you know, if you go on my website, selfishmomproject.com under the shop, I have a vision board course that is out. It’s seven modules, it just kind of goes through all of my steps. But one thing we talked about a lot, and this has really just come up for me in the last year is finding your vision in the season that you’re in. So I have three kids, all of them are in different seasons, and just really being open to you know, where can you fit in that vision? You know, if I’m struggling in the preteens and I’m struggling in the potty training, you know, my time is going into all these different people, I still need to make sure that I’m finding that course of vision in my life. And we’re doing the steps that it works through. So we go through a whole big long process.

At the end of this month, we’ll have in a Selfish Mom Project, the Facebook group, so if you’re not in that, go request to join, we’ll do an online vision board party, that’ll be like a virtual thing. They will just kind of go over my process and how to create the vision board online so you have that. But it’s just important for moms, I think, to find a way to have something outside of being a mom, whether that’s finding a hobby. A lot of my clients talk about how, like, I don’t even have a vision. And I’m like, “Oh my gosh, we’ve got to start from the very beginning, we’re starting at zero, then what do you like to do?”

Susan: Yeah.

Rachael: What do you feel like you’re good at? And I would say that is 70% of my clients and people that come to me say that they don’t even have a vision, they don’t even know where they would start with a vision, or a vision board. And so that’s what we do is we start at ground zero and just making a list of every single thing that you like to do, or things that you want to do even, just creating a bucket list is basically what it is.

Susan: Yeah, and it’s one of those things, I think there are times where…And I don’t know how this happens. But I have put things on a vision board that I didn’t even think would even be possible. It’s something that is like, some of the things are like, obviously very, very obtainable. And then some of them are kind of pie in the sky like, best case scenario, this is what’s going to happen.

Rachael: Right.

Susan: And it’s funny how everything on that board, every little image, every little saying, every little word that you put on there might not happen. But the things that do happen, and once you start looking at and go, “Oh, wow, that happened this year. Oh, wow, that happened this year. Oh my gosh, that kind of happened too.”

Rachael: Right.

Susan: It’s really crazy. And it’s almost like this weird, you’ve really sat down and you’ve thought about it, you thought it out. And then you’re really putting it, I think, on something tangible like paper or putting it on your computer and then even printing it out. That’s what I do. I do mine in Canva and I have all these images, and then I print it out and I physically frame it and hanging on the wall for the year.

Rachael: Yes.

Susan: And it’s just like this constant reminder of this is what you want, this is where you want to go. And it gives direction I think, especially on days where you feel like you’re kind of lost, or you’re just like not wanting to do it.

Rachael: Totally. And I think, you know, a lot of times what I tell every single client when we are doing vision, you know, we’re working on creating vision is that it’s okay if it doesn’t…Like, you really just need to be open to what could happen. There are plenty of things I put on my vision board that didn’t come true. But because they didn’t come true, I’m so blessed they didn’t come true because I got other amazing opportunities that did become available to me. For example, one year I put that I wanted to buy a gym and I found out I was pregnant four days after I did this vision board. And I was like, “Well, that’s probably putting a lot on my plate for next year. Like, that’s not going to happen.” But what did happen was that I was able to create a community and The Selfish Mom Project. You know, it was just I’m so thankful. So you’ve got to understand…So that’s why I talk a lot about, like understanding your seasons, and just really like giving this you know, up to the universe, up to God, whatever your higher power is, and working in alignment with that.

Susan: Yes, that is a great way to put that, “working in alignment.”

Rachael: Yeah, because we can’t do it on our own. And it’s really the stigmatism that’s been placed on moms that we have to do it on all on our own. We’ve got to be everywhere, do everything, you know, I’ve got to be able to snuggle you and wipe your nose. And then at night, I’ve got to figure out how to be a sex goddess. And maybe I don’t want to be either one of those things that day, right? You know, you can’t do it all on your own. And sometimes it’s asking your tribe for a lot of help. And sometimes it’s really just releasing that up to a higher power and being like, “I need help, like, what is next?” And that’s really gotten me through, you know, those two things, and just have really gotten me through a lot of really hard and bad times and made me been the ones that cheered for me through the great times.

Susan: And I think that that thought right there, “what’s next?” I think there are so many people who are coming into the 2020 and that is the very question they’re asking, “Okay, here I am. I want something to happen this year, I don’t even necessarily know what it is. So what’s next?” And I think your guidebook would be a great place to start. What are one or two other, for lack of a better word practices, that you might encourage women to think about taking on in this new year to help along with that guidance?

Rachael: So, two of my favorite things that I’ve been doing for years, even before I started Selfish Mom Project, I’ve always loved writing and I’ve always kept journals, and two things that I think…And the guidebook you do this you know, we do this every day. And I tell the readers and my clients to do this every day because this works, and one of them is a gratitude list, so finding gratitude every single day. I cannot tell you how important that is in the times of stress, overwhelm, anxiety. You know, when you have a kid that like won’t for the life of him won’t poop on a potty, I’m just thankful I guess, that I have hardwood floors. We forget all…We’re so focused as a society about looking at the comparison and it’s a such a thief of joy. That statement should just be tattooed on all of us, especially in the mom world, but just finding gratitude in like the simplest things ever. We have clean water. There are people out there that don’t even have that as an option. And there are people out there that, you know, I was joking about the stress of moving, but there really are people that like don’t know how they’re going to find a new house or where they’re going to live and they can’t afford it. And I try to always go back to…I do my gratitude first thing in the morning while my coffee is brewing, there’s a little notebook next to my coffee maker. And that’s where I start my day, and is in gratitude.

Secondly, the second thing that I think that every mom should kind of add in is I call it journal therapy. And it’s just spending 10 minutes writing down your thoughts every day, and it doesn’t…I say 10 minutes because I would say on an average day, I write for, I would say, 5 to 10 minutes. But I have talked myself through amazing things. I have literally written multiple chapters of different books. I’m that someday I’ll right, and I can go back through these journals. I’ve been angry in those journals, sometimes I cry in those journals, sometimes I just brain dump, but just allowing your head to completely empty all of its thoughts onto a piece of paper. Sometimes that’s cheaper. And it’s actually proven to be just as significant as actually going to a therapist. It’s just that second voice in your head, just letting that voice in your head all come out. And those have been like the two practices for me that I’ve maintained, and two practices that I think for any moms that you should, should start in this New Year.

Susan: I think that keeping the gratitude journal by the coffee maker or whatever that first thing is that you go to when you get up in the morning. Mine is also coffee. When my feet hit the floor, I’m just like, when the alarm goes off, I’m like just “Get to the coffee.” That is the first thought in my head every morning, just get to the coffee and then you go forward. And putting that gratitude journal by the coffee maker, I think is the smartest thing. I’ve never thought to do that. And now I’m going to do that because I also journal in the morning. And now I’m going to go stick it by the coffee maker just to get extra umph because I’ll be real honest, it doesn’t happen every day.

Rachael: Yeah, that’s okay if it doesn’t happen everyday, mine doesn’t either. I do try and plug into gratitude every day because someone’s usually irritated me to the point that I need to find it. And that’s the other thing too, you should never be under so much pressure that if you don’t do gratitude or journal every day, that it makes you feel bad about yourself. That’s not how this should ever go. The Selfish Mom Project should never make you feel like you’re not your best. It’s just something that if you can do it, and if you can really just take the…You might have to like find some pockets of time. But if you do find those pockets of time, you will feel better, like this process will make you feel better.

Susan: Thank you so much for saying that out loud, that you don’t have to do it perfect every day.

Rachael: You don’t and you’re never going to. I’m in no way… You know, I teach this but I’m so far from perfect. I still lose my temper. I definitely raise my voice. I’m definitely not a sex goddess and don’t make it to the PTA functions. I actually like, I’m in a season of saying no right now. And I highly encourage everybody to do that in 2020. If it doesn’t bring you joy and it doesn’t serve you in a positive manner, it’s okay to say no. You’re in no form required in this lifetime or any other lifetimes before after to be perfect.

Susan: All of the above. I’m just going to say yes to that.

Rachael: Yeah.

Susan: Absolutely. So before we wrap up today, I want to make sure that everybody knows where they can find your 60-day guide, as well as where they can find this vision course that you’ve got set up online for everybody.

Rachael: So the book is on Amazon and it is also on my website and anything that’s ordered through my website. I signed. So you’ll get your special little copy that way if you want a signed copy. The vision board course is also on my website, www.selfishmomproject.com and there’s also lots of fun swag all under the shop menu or the shop drop down that you can get a selfish mom t-shirt, you can get coffee mugs, wine glasses, start your day, end your day. Who am I to judge how you do that? So yeah, we have lots of…Everything’s available on my website and the book, you can also find on Amazon.

Susan: That’s great. And then they can find the Facebook group over on Facebook under Selfish Mom Project.

Rachael: So it’s just Selfish Mom Project. There is, I believe three questions that ask you. Just basically, it’s kind of my way of making sure that the people that are coming into the group are people. Real people, not robots, and that it’s a safe space for everyone.

Susan: Yeah. That’s awesome. That is awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time today. This has been so much fun and such a great way to kick off the New Year. I will make sure to post all of those links over on our website so that they can get to you. If they didn’t have time to you know, if the listeners didn’t have time to write anything down. And great, I will talk with you soon.

Rachael: All right. Thank you, Susan.

Chelsea believes you must bring your whole self to the table if you want to thrive in today’s crazy world; your personality, your sense of humor, and most importantly, your heart. Through her weight loss journey she has the desire to spread body positivity among everyone in her community. All of these elements brought her to start The Real Slim Schumie.

Links

The Real Slim Scheme – Website
The Real Slim Scheme – Instagram
The Real Slim Scheme – Facebook
The Real Slim Scheme – Pinterest
What is PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) – Mayo Clinic

Show Notes

Transcript

Susan: Hey, Chelsea, I really am just so excited for you to be here today and for you to share your story with my audience. Tell us a little bit about yourself, who you are, where you’re from, and what is your story because you have a really cool one.
Chelsea: Yeah, so I’m Chelsea Schumacher. I am from the Dallas area. Well, originally from Louisiana, but I’ve lived here for like 15 plus years. I had weight loss surgery almost two years ago. It’ll be two years this coming up December. I’ve successfully lost 175 pounds and been able to maintain and keep all that off. In my journey and through the whole process, I’ve been sort of documenting everything through my blog and my Instagram. And I really, especially in the last couple of months have started to create a community of people that either have had weight loss surgery or lost weight in some form or fashion or just be fitness oriented. And I’ve really tried to start creating a community of people like locally and online that can connect and just be supportive of each other regardless of where they are in their journey.
Susan: That is such an inspiring story. And your story in general is inspiring. Share with us a little bit about what prompted you to make this change?
Chelsea: Yeah, so…
Susan: That’s a big deal. I know other people who’ve had the surgery. This is not like an easy thing. And there are lifestyle changes that are all part of it as well.
Chelsea: Absolutely. And you know, so rewind right back to whenever I was considering. So I knew that the surgery wasn’t going to be this like magic wand that came in and just fix all the crap that I was going through. I knew that. So what I did was I decided to go ahead and start working out with a trainer. I joined LA Fitness for the first time and you know, really had my eating in line so I was meal prepping pretty regularly. I started working out with the trainer three times a week, like they hadn’t sold, right?
I will spare you my story about meeting Western for the first time, but we still work out together. And it’s been almost two years, so wild, right? Well, it has been two years actually, now it as. But so that was right before… I had just transitioned jobs. And so when I joined the gym and like went back to working out and getting my lifestyle together I had just transitioned to a new position in my career. And I finally felt like I could start taking care of myself and making myself a priority. So I started doing all of that. And you know along with that goes with like going to the doctor, all of those good things that sometimes slip away. Like I don’t know, when you become an adult, you all of a sudden forget how to schedule a doctor’s appointment.
Susan: Yes, also dentist appointment.
Chelsea: Oh, yeah, dentist, dentist big time. But so I went to the, you know, for my well women’s exam, and I was diagnosed with PCOS. And I had no idea what that meant. The gynecologist that I was visiting with pretty much said, “Yeah, hey, you have PCOS, here’s a pamphlet on it. You’ll never be able to have kids, okay, bye.” And I was, “What!”
Susan: That’s some serious bedside manner.
Chelsea: Oh, it was so fantastic. He hands me a pamphlet on it. And I was sitting there like, almost in tears because, you know, as a woman and especially as I’m married, I’ve been married for almost—It’ll be five years is coming up June. So, you know, my husband and I, we tried for years, and I couldn’t put the puzzle pieces together as to why nothing was happening, right?
Susan: Yeah.
Chelsea: It was a silent struggle. That’s not something that like, my husband and I talked about, like, all of our friends didn’t know that we were trying to have kids, my family didn’t know like, obviously when I started doing you know, some things and like being more open about my journey, they found out but they’re like, “We had no idea.” Yeah. I was diagnosed. I had that awful, awful, you know, statement of, “you’re never going to be a mom and never be able to have kids,” like, I had that light over my life. And here’s like, “Well, maybe if you lose a little bit of weight, you can, I guess.” And I just, I felt so disconnected from myself and it felt like a very out of body experience. You know what I’m saying? Like, I felt like I was watching myself react to what this guy was saying.
Susan: Yes.
Chelsea: Needless to say, I don’t go to him anymore.
Susan: Yeah, you immediately switched.
Chelsea: Immediately changed doctors, didn’t change my diagnosis, but don’t go to see him anymore. And, you know, I essentially was handed a pamphlet and told to get along my merry way. So I think that was really difficult for me, and I’d been at the gym at that point for about like three to four months, and I wasn’t really seeing like any physical progress. And so, you know, Weston and I are like, okay, trying to manage my stress levels. He’s like, “Are you sleeping okay? I know you’re eating is in line. Obviously, your workouts are in line because you’re with me,” you know, and we couldn’t wrap our heads around why nothing was happening. And so I get diagnosed with PCOS and I was like, “Okay, yeah, there it is.” Because one of the symptoms is an inability to lose weight.
Susan: Oh, whoa,
Chelsea: Yeah. So, I was having a really hard time with that. And so I went to my husband and I said, “Hey, I’m going to consider weight loss surgery.” I was like, “I already have a consultation scheduled with a surgeon.” I said, “I just want to get more information. I want to see what our choices are and what the options are, like, I don’t even know if our insurance will cover it.” I had no idea. I didn’t even know that was the thing.
Susan: You didn’t know that that could happen either.
Chelsea: Yeah, if it’s considered medically necessary, some insurance companies will. And so I didn’t know that, but all I knew is that I had to go talk to the surgeon and I had to see what my options were.
Susan: Yeah.
Chelsea: So I remember sitting in the room, right and her and I are having a conversation and she asked me similar question. She goes, “What prompted this.” You know, she’s like, “I see your 375 pounds. Like, you’re so young, you know, what prompted this?” And I told her I said, “Not even two days ago, I was diagnosed at PCOS, and I don’t know what to do.”
Susan: Oh my.
Chelsea: I like start sobbing at this point because I think it was the first time that someone like connected with me on it. And it just gets worse from there because she grabs my hands and she looks me dead in the face and she says, “I have PCOS too and you’re going to be fine.” And I was just like, “Okay, she’s right. Like, I am going to be fine,” you know? And I was like, “This is going to be all great. Like, it’s going to be okay.” And so I talked to her about the whole insurance coverage thing. Like I said, I didn’t know that was possibility. And long story short, I got my insurance to cover all of my surgery. We barely paid anything out of pocket and the rest is history.
Susan: The rest is history. That is amazing. That is such an interesting, I mean, on top of like, everything that you were doing is like, “Oh, and by the way, I have this medical condition.”
Chelsea: Right? And it’s like, oh, by the way, here you are.
Susan: That’s a medical condition that rocked your world.
Chelsea: Yeah. And you know, it’s pretty common in women. But I didn’t know that. That pamphlet that I was given, didn’t tell me that. It left me feeling like I was stranded on this desert island by myself. And like, you know, at the young age— I was 27. So, you know, I’m sitting there as a 27-year-old who’s been trying to become a mom, and be told that hey, you can’t be a mom, and here’s why. And women that have PCOS have babies. So like, I don’t have a fear of that now, but it’s just like, I feel like that medical professional didn’t handle it right. And, you know, hindsight, it prompted a lot of change in my life.
Susan: Yeah.
Chelsea: And so I don’t know, maybe the universe is trying to like, help me some way, you know what I’m saying? I don’t know. I’m trying to have like a positive spin on it.
Susan: And I think there is, I think, I mean, you’re sharing your story, and I think it’s helping others. And I think that it’s really, really admirable. I don’t know if a lot of people would be willing to share their story. I know a lot of people aren’t willing to share their stories. Because I’ll say something on here sometimes or another guest will say something and I’ll have people you know, DM me or you know, email me “Oh, I’m so glad you said this, because I have this too” or “this is going on in my life too and I don’t feel like I can talk about it.”
Chelsea: Yeah.
Susan: I feel like the more we talk about things, and the more we share these things, we realize we’re not alone. Everybody’s got issues and oh, by the way, this person has your issue. Congratulations.
Chelsea: And you know, I think the biggest thing that I’ve learned through this journey is like, it is totally 100% okay to be a work in progress and still be motivational to people because I mean, like, especially on my Instagram, like half of the stuff that I post on my Instagram story is like, stuff that I need. I post it because I need to hear it and I need reminder. Whenever I’m scrolling and I just click on my story just to view it, you know, I share it because it resonated with me and I needed to that in that moment. And like so many people a lot of times, they’ll messaged me back saying, “Thank you so much. I needed this,” and I’m like, “See, everybody here is struggling and nothing is perfect.” It’s easy on social media to sit here and, you know, make this perfect life, right? Yeah, that’s not always the case all the time.
Susan: No, and I really appreciate that authenticity there because I think women who are listening who have a sole proprietorship of whatever their thing is, or they have, you know, their thing that they’re doing and everybody’s saying, “Oh, you have to worry about social media. Oh, you have to worry about…” I worry about social media, everybody worries about posting on social media. And it’s like, okay, maybe you do have to have those things that you schedule. Absolutely. But making sure that you pop in with your own authentic self regularly is also just as important to people can see the real you and who you are.
Chelsea: Absolutely. And that really means a lot is because these last two years, almost two years, have been about living such an authentic life. Like I’m sick of living a life that I don’t feel happy with and that, you know, I’m not being fulfilled in every way possible. And that’s career, that’s physical fitness, that’s my eating, that’s just existing in general. I’m not settling anymore.
Susan: I love that.
Chelsea: That’s okay too, right?
Susan: Yes, I’m all here for that. Let’s segue. You mentioned Instagram and we talked about social media. Let’s go ahead and chat about your blog and what kind of came from this journey because you really started sharing the journey, not with just the people who are close to you, but everyone, which I think is brave.
Chelsea: It is really scary. It’s scary to post about, like, everything that goes along with this journey. Anyone that has had weight loss surgery or has undergone like extreme weight loss, will most likely tell you it is not all cupcakes and rainbows and perfect and pretty. A lot of things came to light to me after I had the surgery that I didn’t necessarily know beforehand. I mean, I always thought I had a pretty semi healthy relationship with food. Fun fact, I didn’t, you know, and I turned to food a lot, even in those times when I was in the gym and being super healthy and meal prepping.
Food and alcohol, right because everybody, we’re all social now, everybody either goes out to drinks and dinner. That’s what people do. So I found out that very quickly that that was my coping mechanism whenever I was stressed out or dealing with something that I didn’t even really know that it was dealing with. So the surgery brings a lot of those things to light that you may be privy to, or you may not because guess what, I can’t cope with food anymore.
Susan: Yeah.
Chelsea: And that’s why sort of the blog started and The Real Slim Schumie because I needed an outlet. I had one of my girlfriends called me and she’s like, “This just popped into my head today. And I really think that you should hear me out.” And I said, “Okay. What? Like, what? You know, what are you going to say to me now? “And she tells me, she was like, “I think you just start a blog.” And I was like, “Jordi, you are insane. I’m not starting a blog, like what?” And she was like, “you should start a blog.” And she was like, “Even if nobody reads it, you should start a blog for you.” And I was like, “You know what, I may be right.” I was an English major for my undergrad degree. And I was like, “You know, I think this would be good.” Like I could write and you know, just really express myself in my way and it will be my words, and it could be short, it could be long, it could be whatever I want it to be.” And that was kind of pretty to me too. I liked that that it was my own and I could really take it and own it. And so I told her, I said, “Okay, I’m gonna do it.” So I look up how to start a blog, right. I literally googled how to start a blog.
Susan: Hu-huh, I’m familiar. I looked up how do you start podcast, so yeah.
Chelsea: So you know exactly right. So I quickly, I text two of my girlfriends who, they’re so witty, and they’re so quick on their feet. And one of my coworkers at my old job, I’m no longer there, by the way, but she started calling me Schumie because she thought it was funny. And I was like, “Okay, so that’s really cute. Like, I think that should kind of be in there because it’s play on my last name.”
Susan: Yeah. And so I text two of my girlfriends, and I was like, “I need the funniest, funniest name for my blog. Go.” And so I told them what I was going to write about. And my friend Jesse came up with “The Real Slim Schumie” and I was like, “Dude, that’s it. Like, that’s gotta stick.” So that became my Instagram handle, I created an Instagram profile that day. Next thing I know, I’m buying the domain to this website. And I don’t even know how to make one. So that was really fun figuring all that out. So that’s how everything really started. It started with kind of my girlfriend’s really rallying around me and like, helping support me and like, help push me in a way that I can find an outlet that I could just share my story. And I said, “Okay, well, if I’m going to do this, I’m going to be as authentic, as transparent, as raw and as real as possible. And I’m going to tell you the stuff that they won’t tell you sitting in a surgeon’s office.”
Susan: That’s awesome.
Chelsea: Sometimes I feel like it bites me in the butt, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because that is the authentic truth about this journey. It’s not easy. It’s not something that’s for the faint of heart. And if you think that having a surgery is just going to fix all your problems, you’re sorely mistaken. And so, yeah,
Susan: When has it bitten you in the butt?
Chelsea: Well, just like, you know, I feel like it’s easy whenever you’re in a down mood to kind of hide from, like social media, right? And it’s very easy to do that.
Susan: Sometimes you need to do that.
Chelsea: Sometimes you need to do that. I’ve been a little bit on a small hiatus myself right now because—So last week, I started working with my friend who’s a life coach, which everyone needs a life coach. I firmly believe in this after—I’ve only had two sessions with her and I firmly believe this now. So there’s that. But I came to the realization during my first session that I have an incredibly hard time saying no to people. And I’m like, “Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so drained and depleted is because I’m not saying no.” This is like a very, like present day kind of thing, right? I’m working through all this now. So the thing about being transparent when I say it’s bit me in the butt is like I post now when I’m not in a good mood, or, you know, I’ll say like, having a rough mental health day, and I feel like…It doesn’t really bite me in the butt, right? It’s more one of those things like, helping change that stigma of like hiding and not being okay and just like really needing to recharge. But you have to post about it, right? Because that’s the authenticity piece that we talked about.
Susan: Sure.
Chelsea: It’s kind of like I don’t want to say a double-edged sword, but it is because on those days when I feel like I want to hide, I still post like, “Hey, I’m having a really rough mental health day. I’m struggling with eating right, I haven’t been in gym in three weeks, I have no motivation.” And it’s just being real. It’s easy for people to just pretend that they’re motivated all the time.
Susan: Something you said a minute ago prompted me to write down the question, how do you keep the burnout away? But it sounds like you’re going through a little bit of a burnout phase.
Chelsea: I am.
Susan: We all do it.
Chelsea: We all do it and like I said earlier, it’s okay to be a work in progress and still motivate people and experience your own parts of your journey, right? And this is just one of those for me right now. Like I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks and that’s not me. Like I regularly go to the gym five times a week, and then I spend three times on top of that. I put into a bike in two weeks. I’ve just been physically exhausted, drained emotionally. I’m in grad school right now. So I’m very kind of overwhelmed with that, too.
Susan: It’s a lot of work.
Chelsea: Yeah. Oh my gosh. It’s a lot of work and especially, I’m approaching my internship next semester so like it’s…
Susan: What are you in grad school for?
Chelsea: Okay, so fun, awesome thing about the surgery and not willing to accept being unhappy, I last summer went on a service trip through my sorority that I’m in and I worked with individuals who are blind or visually impaired. I volunteered at a –It’s called go ball. It’s an amazing sport. It’s a Paralympic sport. But the United States association of blind athletes has a National Championship tournament day they throw every year. So I volunteered for that. And I made an amazing friend. I love him to pieces. We’re still really close now. His name is Noah. But the crazy thing about whenever you meet an individual who’s blind or visually impaired, your connections are inherently deeper, right? Because there’s not that surface level interaction, which is crazy, because all of our social cues in society are very visual. So, you know, I meet Noah for the first time and him and I are having a great conversation. He said, “So tell me what you do.” And I was like, “Yeah, well, I’m in sales for little….” And he goes, “I hate to say this to you, but it sounds like you hate your job.” I said, “I do. Like, I do. I do. I hate it.”
And I met him kind of towards like the middle of this week long service-learning experience that I was in. And towards the end, I was like, “Man, you know, I just wish I could work in this community full time because this is really where my passion is and where my like heart is, and how can I be involved and give back and make a difference here, well, not at a global tournament, but like, in this community, working with individuals who are blind or visually impaired, forever, like I need to be doing this forever.” And he was like, “Hello. There are people that help us,” and I said, “Oh, I didn’t know that”. And so like, we had a good laugh about it.
But he was like, “You should really look into orientation and mobility.” And I said, “What’s that?” And he was like, “Your ONM specialist essentially helps individuals who are blind or visually impaired, learn how to travel and navigate the world independently.” “And he was like, you would be so good at that.” So I go home, it takes me literally almost three weeks to stop sobbing. Like I would cry at random times of the day, like in my cube and all my coworkers like, “Are you okay?” I’m like, “Yeah, just leave me alone, thanks”. I’m crying my eyes out because like, I just missed that feeling of community and like, connecting with people that were genuine. And I was transplanted back into a cubicle that I really didn’t like. And I think it was the first time that someone that barely knew me, called me out for not living an authentic life and having a job that I hated. Like, I was so wild. So after about two weeks, I start looking into programs on how to become an ONM specialist and what all it takes. And next thing I know, I looked at my husband, I said, “Hey, I’m going to grad school.” And he was like, “Hold the phone. What?” And I said, “Yeah, I’m going to go to grad school.” So I applied to Texas Tech. And now that’s where I am.
Susan: That is amazing.
Chelsea: Yeah, it’s wild. And I eventually quit my job. And I do this full time. And yeah, it’s crazy to think like, I’m almost 30 and I’m back in school, chasing after career that I care about. But I would rather be very, very happy and doing something that I’m passionate about, so yeah.
Susan: ,You say that but it’s not that crazy because here’s the thing—I’m not advocating people do this. I’m advocating people…Okay, I’ll just say, I have been to Napa at a time or two, Napa Valley and have talked to winemakers, like people who become winemakers, people who go out and buy the vineyard or whatever. They’re all like, ex doctors, ex lawyers, ex whatever. Now, they’re older. They’re in their late 50s, early 60s to 70. But they’re doing this because they got done and they didn’t…. They wanted to retire. I don’t think they wanted to retire. They wanted to do something, at least two or three that are coming to mind—Oh, they’re also ex accountants. And they wanted to do something, they didn’t necessarily want to retire, but they were burned out and done. So I think you should absolutely— Obviously, you have to have a plan in place. But if you’re not happy doing what you’re doing, you’ve got to get out and you’ve got to figure out what is going to make you happy. Otherwise, you’re just going Dead.
Chelsea: Exactly.
Susan: I mean, really, like you’re talking about becoming who you are and you’re a work in progress and whatever, if you’re not a work in progress, I don’t care how old you are. I firmly have come to believe this over the past couple of years that I’ve been doing this, if you’re not constantly a work in progress of some kind—And I don’t mean all over the place, right? I mean, if you’re not becoming yourself on a daily basis, then aren’t you dead? I mean…
Chelsea: You’ve got to be at some point, right? Yeah, I just feel like it’s super important to like, make sure that you give yourself daily affirmations. And before, I don’t know, I never did that before. But now like every morning—And I feel like this little rut that I’ve been in lately, like I haven’t been doing these things that I normally do and I think that is playing a part of it. So today was my first day back and it felt so good this morning.
So I stand in front of mirror every morning and I first tell myself like, be grateful that you have another day. And then I think my body for everything that it’s done, and I tell myself that I’m worthy and it’s okay to take up space, and then I go continue on my day. And like, I know that sounds insane but I talked myself throughout the day. And like, whether it’s I’m having a moment where it’s like an emotional moment, right, and I just go pick up like a snack or something. I’m like, “Wait a minute, self, like, selfie, you need to go put that down and go put that back because you need to marinate in the feeling that you’re having right now instead of turning to food. Go get a bottled water and you need to just sit in it.” And first of all, I do a three-step process for every like emotional stuff, emotional thing that I’m feeling. So I accept it—Or I knowledge it, sorry. I acknowledge it, I accept it. And then I try and move on because wallowing in it, whatever that feeling might be, isn’t going to make it go away.You just have to move on. And whenever I say I acknowledge it, I acknowledge every aspect of it. I tell myself, I’m like, “Okay, it’s okay that I’m feeling this way. It’s normal that I’m feeling this way. And, you know, you’re not crazy, basically. And, you know, whatever it might be, whether it’s, you know, an emotional moment with food or whatever, I don’t know. It could be that my blog has got me crazy and I, like want to cry about it. I don’t know.
Susan: No, I totally get that. One of the things that we’re talking about, and I don’t often like try to create themes or whatever, but one of the ideas that I’ve noticed it happens a lot on the podcast, so I’m kind of just trying to ruminate on it and bring it all around and talk about it more proactively and kind of make a point about it is habits and practices. And it sounds like you have some pretty amazing practices that when you do them—And I’m the same way, we all do it, we have practices that we put in place to start our day and then we sleep in because we’re tired or something happens and your life shifts, and it’s like, I’m not going to do that today. I’m just going to…you know? And here and it happens. It’s like, here I am weeks later, my inbox is overflowing because I haven’t you know…And I know that’s something, I’m actually looking at my inbox, which is why I just said that. But you know, it’s stupid—It’s not stupid. It’s little things like that, that really, you don’t, they’re not so little right, they actually are bigger and more important to make them out.
Chelsea: Yeah, absolutely. And that’s one of the things that, you know, I try and do every day in those little daily affirmations and just making sure that I follow that three-step process of whatever it is. You know, I keep going back to food because that’s just seems to be an easy example.
Susan: Sure.
Chelsea: I feel like especially in the weight loss community, like weight loss surgery community, it’s pretty easy for people to beat you up about you know, not eating low carb or all of a sudden everybody becomes a dietitian and wants to tell me that Sour Patch Kids are bad for me. I know they’re bad for me, but I still love them so…
Susan: That’s my thing, so yeah.
Chelsea: I eat them sometimes during my workouts and that’s something my trainer and I do together.
Susan: Awesome.
Chelsea: We do it because I need a little boost during, because of the type of surgery that I had. I had the sleeve. So what they did is they removed 80% of my stomach. So my stomach hold a very small amount of food, only about four ounces at a time. Depending on what I’m doing that day, depends on how quickly a burn through that. So calorie intake in general is between 800 to 1000 calories per day. So just imagine operating on that much of a deficit all the time, and then working out on top of that.
Susan: So you have to eat constantly then.
Chelsea: Constantly. I eat all the time. And so my issues with food that I was talking about earlier, I have to walk this very like thin fine line of eating for fuel versus my old habits of eating for pleasure. And those two sometimes don’t want, they want to collide a lot. Especially in the seasons where I’m not really in the gym. But I’m planning on getting back, don’t worry. And it’s just sometimes you just need a break, and somehow you need to breathe and get a grasp, get a grip on your life, and that’s okay.
Susan: Yeah, it absolute is. It really is, and I hope you believe that.
Chelsea: I do believe that and it’s okay to breathe for yourself. And that’s something that like, my friend that’s a life coach has really been like helping me realize and she has…That’s the cool thing about life coaching is like, they just help facilitate your own realizations, which is so freaking cool. So I had a session with her last night and that’s exactly what we talked about. And so I feel so good about it. I feel like it’s such a good spot about it like, understanding that it’s okay, but this is a part of me living authentically is talking about this sort of stuff. Like if I sat here and pretended that I was this perfect person on Instagram, personality on Instagram that, you know, didn’t have days where I struggle or like even these little small seasons, I would be lying and that’s not something I’m about.
Susan: No, I think that’s fair. One of the things you—Your thing is food and I think it’s really interesting. In the space that I’m in right now in my life, I’m surrounded—I have a five-year-old so I’m surrounded by a lot of moms. And like all the moms stuff out there is like it’s not cupcakes or ice cream. It’s like you have a glass of wine. Here’s a glass of wine. You need a cocktail? Have this because life’s hard. And on some level, that’s funny, and I recognize that there’s a funny ha-ha to it. But there are a lot of people out there who struggle with alcohol, alcohol is or vice. And so when you’re saying that it’s almost giving—It’s enabling people in a way, right? So I’m not going to lie. I’ve absolutely reposted those things myself. I did it.
Chelsea: That’s funny.
Susan: But now I’m like, I need to seriously rethink that and where I’m posting that and how I’m posting that because I don’t want to be affecting somebody in a negative way. And that’s an easy way for me not to do that, although I am still texting my friends, “Hey, oh, it’s been a day.” And I’m not perfect at it, and I’m saying it on my podcast so there’s that. But I recognize that that’s not always a healthy thing to be, hey, here, take a drink.
Chelsea: Right. And I mean, that’s the thing is everyone copes with things differently.
Susan: Absolutely.
Chelsea: It’s just a matter of how we talk about them. And I feel like in the past, we haven’t really talked about it. Until recently that it’s become okay to sit here and say, like, “Hey, I’m having a really bad mental health day and I know we have plans. I’m sorry, I love you. But I’m not. I’m just not. Not today.”
Susan: Yeah.
Chelsea: Like, it’s only become until recently that it’s okay to say that and it’s okay to tell your friends like, hey, I need to step back because I need a break. And part of me wonders why that is, right. I mean, why is it only been a recent thing? Because you know that everyone’s struggled with this stuff before, but why is it now just socially acceptable to talk about it? I don’t know.
Susan: No, it’s so true. It’s like, you know, my husband I and we’ve done an episode about it now, had infertility struggles. And it wasn’t a horrible diagnosis, but it wasn’t a diagnosis I was excited about because I went to the doctor to ask questions and I had questions that I wanted answers for. And their answer was, “Well, you have unexplained infertility. We can’t tell you.” I’m like, “I paid you how much to tell me that?” So yeah, but my point in mentioning that is we didn’t use to talk about that. You know, when women got pregnant, they didn’t even talk about getting pregnant. I think the term I’ve heard my grandmother used in the past was, “Oh, she’s that way again.” It was like, we didn’t talk about anything. And I don’t know if that’s just Southern or if that’s because I grew up in South Carolina, or if that’s like, just a US thing. I don’t know what it is. But you’re absolutely right. And I think I’ve had other people say, “Why do you want to talk about that?” And I say, “Well, it’s because I don’t want other people to feel alone. Like I’m sharing this because it felt awful in the moment when I didn’t see other people around me struggling.” When other people called me and like, “Hey, I’m pregnant.” And I’m like, “great. I haven’t talked to you in over a year and I’m not but I’m not going to sit here and tell you why now.”
Chelsea: Right. Right.
Susan: And it’s not that I was mad at her, it was just more like, I wasn’t talking to people exactly about it either.
Chelsea: Right.
Susan: So yeah, I think it’s important to talk about these things. I’m glad you are. I really am. I want to be respectful of your time. But I also want to talk about anything that I’ve missed, anything you have coming up. Anything you want people to be aware of, either on your blog, conferences, I don’t know what you’ve got for us.
Chelsea: Yeah, so I’ve been on a little bit of a hiatus on my blog. I’ve been posting on my Instagram, but my blog posts have been pretty, pretty minimal. So those are coming back. I also have an event coming up in October. I’m extraordinarily excited about so I’m not going to go fully into detail about it just yet. It will be at the end of October. It is going to be a workshop.
Susan: Oh, cool.
Chelsea: So tickets will be going on sale for that soon.
Susan: Okay. Oh, yeah. And when you get that, shoot me—I’m not exactly sure when this will go live. But shoot over all that information to me, definitely be before the end of October. So we will make sure to post all that on our website. I’ll repost it on my social media, and I can’t wait to see what you come up with. I’m excited to…
Chelsea: It’s be going to be awesome. It is going to very much so play into everything that we’ve talked about today.
Susan: I’m excited. I’m so excited. Okay, so where are you? What’s your social handle? And where can we find you online?
Chelsea: Yeah, so I am on Facebook and Instagram at The Real Slim Schumie. And you can check my blog out at therealslimschumie.com.
Susan: Awesome. Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I am so, so, so thankful you made the time, especially in your hiatus.
Chelsea: But you know what, it is good to be back.
Susan: I’m so glad.
Chelsea: Thank you so much.
Susan: Thank you.

Kristin O’Neal is a financial planner who found herself in the unique situation of working with clients who, for the majority, owned their own service based business. She recognized that many of her clients were not only seeking financial advise, but business advise as well. This was an area in which she had expertise so naturally, she helped. She just wasn’t getting paid for it.

Links
Ashton Charles – website
Ashton Charles – Facebook
Ashton Charles – Instagram
Ashton Charles – LinkedIn
Kristin’s e-mail: kristin@ashtoncharles.co
The Tribe Podcast by Ashton Charles

Show Notes

Transcript

Susan: Kristin, thank you so much for joining us today, I really appreciate you taking the time out of your schedule to talk to us to share a little bit about what you do, and how you got to where you are.

Kristin O’Neal: Of course, you’re so welcome. I am really excited to be here.

Susan: Let’s just start out in the very beginning. And tell us a little bit about where you got your start. And then we’ll jump into how you got your own idea to start your own consulting agency.

Kristin O’Neal: Okay, so my name is Kristin O’Neal. I’m currently based in San Diego, California. I lived in Dallas for 11 years. So I have clients, friends, family, even still in Dallas, and then clients across the country, and all that stuff. But the way I got started, because I wasn’t always as cool as I am now. I feel like I haven’t arrived but at least I know what I’m doing, which is great. But the way I got started with my consulting business was I actually needed—I needed a way to better serve my clients in my financial planning practice. And so I think when people find out…So my primary business, I actually have two, my primary business is financial planning, and I work with a lot of women who are single income earners, in a lot of cases, they own businesses. And they didn’t have a really clear understanding of what their goals were, or they set goals that were too small, or they’d like, well exceeded what they thought they were going to accomplish in their business. And they were realizing that they were either kind of stuck, or maybe just like, didn’t know where to go. And so my consulting practice came out of needing to monetize the time I was spending with a lot of my financial planning clients on things that had nothing to do with investments, insurance, or money. So that’s how Ashton Charles got started.

Susan: That is really cool.

Kristin O’Neal: Not the entry you were expecting.

Susan: No, it was not, not in the slightest. But I guess it was either that or you were becoming a therapist, it was one or the other.

Kristin O’Neal: Kind of, yeah. And I talk to…I worked really closely with my compliance person at the time. And she was like, “I totally get what you’re doing. It completely makes sense. But you can’t charge them a financial planning fee for this.”

Susan: You’ve got to figure out another avenue?

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah.

Susan: Well, good for you for doing that. That’s really, I think in an interesting way, and not a twist I was expecting, your story gives women permission to say, I’m spending time on this, and my time is valuable. It’s not free. Because I think as women we’re really bad about just, not bad. We’re very willing, how about that? To give so much so easily. And not that there’s anything wrong with that. But if it’s cutting into your work day, then maybe that might be an avenue you choose? So I really appreciate you you sharing that . That’s really, really interesting.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, of course. And like all entrepreneurs, you start your business because there’s some sort of hole in the market, right?

Susan: Yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: I mean, I kept trying to refer these people, my clients to other people, but no one was doing exactly what we wanted. There was just a gap there. And I think the financial planning industry has changed a lot, because we have more female breadwinners, and we have more women who are managing their own finances, instead of having a male partner or parent manage it for them. And so, men are a little more brave. They need less information to make a decision and can kind of run without a plan, whereas women typically need…

Susan: We overthink it.

Kristin O’Neal: …A little bit more like, I need like a track to run on. Like, I’m not just going to go make money, like why do I need the money? What will the money allow me to do? So it’s just was a gap there, and so that’s why I started Ashton Charles was really to do all of the things that I was doing already that wasn’t specific to financial planning, so that I wouldn’t have regulators in my files, like, why are you guys meditating?

Susan: That’s awesome. I appreciate that.

Kristin O’Neal: Tell me more about this.

Susan: Right, exactly. So you saw a need. But for those small business owners out there who financial planner isn’t really following up, maybe they don’t even talk to their financial planner about this type of stuff, because it’s separate from their personal finances, or however you want to introduce that or think about that. Why do small business owners need a consultant?

Kristin O’Neal: So the short answer is they may not. I don’t ever assume that everyone needs what I do. And to your point, maybe they have super clear goals, and they have a board of directors, or they’ve got a team around them of other advisors that are helping them in this role. And so one area or one question I get a lot is like, what’s the difference between what you do what my business coach does? Possibly nothing, but maybe a lot of things. So like, I have a business coach, and she helps me with sales and strategy. And in some cases, she helps me with creating the vision for my business, or what does my next one to five years look like? What’s the 10, 15 year plan. But for the most part, she’s just helping me with the tactical day to day like, what to do to hit my goals. But if no one’s helping you set goals, if you don’t know how to set goals, and it sounds really simple, but a lot of people are like, “I don’t know how much I need to make, or like what a good goal would be for my business,” they’re just kind of showing up, doing work, getting paid and just kind of being okay with it. Because you know, my employees are paid, my bills are paid. And I feel like I should be making more, but I can’t really quantify, like, what that is or why.

So if you’re lacking clarity in the area of goal setting, if you’ve reached a plateau, if you’re looking for a next step, or if you’re starting a business, and you have an idea of what you want to do, but you don’t have a clear, clear path to get where you want to go or know exactly who your ideal client is. Those are times when I would engage with either a—I was going to say financial planner, but that’s not the right answer—with a consultant like myself, or with maybe a business coach, some business coaches do that kind of work too.

Susan: Yeah, I was going to say, I mean, when I was first getting started, I had a business coach, who really helped me get things kicked off the ground and things like that. And she came from a world of non-profit and development before she went into her business coaching. So I could totally understand why having the expertise of somebody who has a financial background be really beneficial because I think it’s one of those things, as women, maybe we don’t think about the monetary—and maybe this is just me—we don’t think about the monetary goals or aspirations as we should. We’re out there, and we’re wanting to do a good job. And maybe it’s even just a side hustle, and you want to see where it goes. But without setting those goals, it’s really not going to go anywhere

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, and I think that you’re right. I would say for most women’s, not all women, but for most, they’re more motivated by helping the clients get what they want, or serving their clients in some way or, you know, passionate about the things that they do, but the money is just kind of a secondary thing. So not realizing, “Hey, if I could better serve clients in this way 10 years from now, and have the lifestyle I want, but it would take this amount of money to do it.” And so that’s a lot of what I help people do.

Susan: And that’s the financial planner part coming out in you, for sure, is the number you need.

Kristin O’Neal: Absolutely.

Susan: Speaking of numbers, since you brought it up, what is a good…? If somebody is looking at thinking about hiring a consultant, thinking about hiring a coach of some kind in your genre, what is a good…? And if you don’t normally give out your figures, that’s totally fine. But what is a good budgetary number to think about that, “Okay, I’m going to have to spend this much to get this kind of service?”

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, that’s an excellent question, and I wish I had an answer for you. And the reason why this is so tough is because everyone does not different. So it’s independent of experience, type of clients they work with—all have different pricing structures. And I would say that I’ll do—depending on the client, I might do like an intensive half day of us fully focused on sussing out like your goals, getting clear on your vision, coming up with a high-level marketing, like target markets, who am I going to go out and market with and who do I need to meet, and how to build relationships with centers of influence and referral partners. Kind of flush all that out and some high level sales tactics. That’s what I do in an intensive for the client. And I would say, somewhere between 2500 and $10,000, depending on the complexity of the situation, might be what I would charge for that. I would give them not a ton of ongoing support because in this area, I really do work for like, on a project basis. And that’s what it would look like, perhaps to work with me. But everyone, again, everyone’s time is, they value their time differently and they have different types of clients they like to work with. I specifically like to work with women who own service based businesses, because owning my own service based business for six years, I get that a lot more, and I get the relationships you’re going to have to have to support it. And I understand that really well. So if you’re selling widgets, I may or may not be a good fit for you. Probably not, just kind of depends.Susan: Sure. That makes sense. I think a lot of people who are just starting out that number, the 2500 number did not surprise me. The $10,000 mark was like, oh my gosh! And I know…

Kristin O’Neal: They’re probably not like, it’s my first day and I want to get started with that.

Susan: Right. Exactly. But I think it’s also good to have people in your like, when you’re first starting out, you’ve got to have somebody in your corner who can kind of help you walk through the process. And I think that’s important. Who were the people that you kind of went to when you were first making the transition from finance to consulting?

Kristin O’Neal: Oh, well, I haven’t actually made a transition.

Susan: You’re still doing both. that’s awesome.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I still do both.

Susan: I love that.
Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, just because one needs the other.

Susan: Yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: So I’m always doing both, but I’m mostly doing planning. I would say the people I collaborate with the most are probably my business coach, Tina Phillips, who does coaching in the Dallas area, and meditation and mindfulness coach, Melissa Garner, who is in Dallas also. And so I’ll still call them and say, “Hey, I have the like a referral or production,” or, “hey, I have this client and this is going on, and she’s having this mental block. What do you think?” So those are the two people I talked to you probably the most about, about those clients?

Susan: Got it. What about was there a friend or a family member or a business colleague that really kind of helped give you the push that you needed to start this other side of this, of your world?

Kristin O’Neal: I want to be like, there was a really special moment with…

Susan: Right. Yes.

Kristin O’Neal: Well, this person…

Susan: Ahh, right.

Kristin O’Neal: I know, it doesn’t always happen that way. I do. I have a lot of really great girlfriends that I’ve met, either through networking, or who have been through prospecting, who have become clients who also own businesses, who are always really supportive of whatever. Not anything I want to do, but whatever I want to do within reason. And so my friend Jordan Gill owns a service based business also. And she’s an operations also dollar space, called… What is it call now? I think it was called System Save Me for a while. And so she’s always really supportive of me doing this kind of stuff because it’s really… It’s abstract, like there’s no, there’s not necessarily a model for consulting, you just kind of…My background is sales and sales management.

Susan: Okay.

Kristin O’Neal: And so a lot of this stuff, I knew from my experience in sales management, and then a lot of it I knew from my experience in my own business, and then I am like a nerd about organizational leadership, and do a ton of professional development and love sales and love marketing. And looking at someone’s life and creating goals and organizing, that’s making the complicated, simple, is just what I do really well. So it’s just kind of something that people started asking me to do it, and I didn’t have a way to charge them for it. And that’s really why I stated the business. Yeah.

Susan: So what are some of the core business practices that you’ve had your clients put in place when they’re first like meeting with you? Like after the initial consult, are there one or two things that pretty much is a norm like, oh, you’re not doing this, this is something we could jump on and do today to make a difference?

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, so there’s a couple of things. The first thing that I always make sure that we’re clear on is where you want to go and how much it would cost to get there.

Susan: Yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: So whether that’s a lifestyle that you…Like, dare to dream, like we do this exercise where we visualize the best version of your life, like your ideal lifestyle. And so really sitting down and figuring out what that would cost. 9 times out of 10, it costs like a fraction of what you thought it in your mind had worked up to b. And in that moment, it becomes more attainable. So really doing the research on like, the neighborhood that you would want to live in, ideally, what that vacation home would cost in Colorado, or Palm Springs or Mexico or wherever. And so I would say starting with a clear vision and knowing the dollar amount tied to that. And then I always encourage my clients to make goals annually, but to do something called periodization. And so periodization, is the idea that, you know, we work harder towards the end of the period than we do during the rest of the year.

Susan: Yeah, the hustle at the end.

Kristin O’Neal: And you’re like going crazy trying to hit your year end goal, but in May and June, you’re just like, “Well…”

Susan: Chilling.

Kristin O’Neal: “…I have six months.” Yeah. So through implementing some sort of periodization model and breaking the year up before and running really hard for the end of…There’s a book called The 12 Week Year that explains this really well, and the guy that wrote it, Brian Moran, he works mostly with financial planners, and so that’s how I know about them. But it really can be applied to any business like ,running really hard for 12 weeks, then taking a week off or having a week to kind of regroup. A lot of other business owners I know work that way, and they have certain seasons where they’re really busy one time of the year, and really slow another time of the year. And so that might be a good year for planning. So really setting up your entire year having a good idea of what you want to accomplish per quarter. So those are, I say the top two things. The next thing I would do is get, especially if you’re new, get very, very clear on who your ideal client is.

Susan: Yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: It’s hard in the beginning, because you’re just like, “What I do is great, and everyone can benefit from it,” which is kind of true, but not really. And so when you walk into—I used to do a ton of networking, I still do some but not as much. When you walk into like one of those rooms, and someone asked you like, “Hey, who can I introduce you to?” and you’re just like, “Well, what I do is great for everyone, and anyone with skin could really appreciate what I do.”

Susan: Right.

Kristin O’Neal: It’s actually much more difficult for you to come up with a referral for me than if I said, you know, a working mom that has kids in preschool and daycare, like you can more easily identify something more specific. So I’m always encouraging people to get really clear on who their target market is and why they’re valuable for that specific market, because that’ll help you get better referrals. And work with people you like, you know, that you can really give some value?

Susan: Absolutely. I was talking to a friend just the other day, and she was like, “When was the last time like you really sat down and thought about your avatar, if you will,” which is the same thing. It’s like, “Who is your person?” And I was like, “Oh!” So literally, like, one day last week, I can’t remember what day it was, maybe even just Friday. So this was really recently that I sat down myself, because I haven’t done it in probably over a year, and sat down and rethought that out, and I took like an hour and a half to like, okay, who is she? What is she doing? And she’s changed a little bit since my my business has started off. So I thought that was interesting that not only have I been able to narrow it down, but I’ve had it somewhat narrowed down, but I was able to narrow it down even further as to, “Woo, she might not be doing this. She’s definitely doing this.” And so that’s a really good piece of advice, that helps in so many different ways. Not only just with referrals, but like how do you market to this person? When do you post on social media? You know?

Kristin O’Neal: Right.

Susan: Is she at work? Or is she at home? Is she doing this? Or she doing this? Is it naptime or is it not?

Kristin O’Neal: Where might she be that I can run into her? And who do you say no to? Which is really one of the more important things, it’s who do I not take as a client and who should I refer to someone else?

Susan: Absolutely.

Kristin O’Neal: And so once you get good at that, I mean, it just opens your calendar up to doing more of the things you want to do and getting paid what you’re worth, which is a whole other episode, I’m sure.

Susan: Oh, for sure. Yeah, we could go on and on.

Kristin O’Neal: We could go all day about that.

Susan: But yeah, and I think when you’re just starting out, I think for anybody who’s listening, who, they’re still new in this, I’m still new in this. But for anybody who’s really still new in this, like probably younger than six months, you’re not going to know all… You probably won’t know all this in the very beginning. I shouldn’t say nobody will, but you probably won’t. And so just taking the time to really sit down, I think, how often would you do this? How often would you sit down and reevaluate this stuff? What would you recommend?

Kristin O’Neal: So I don’t really reevaluate my target market often. I just heard that things change gradually. So my first year in the business, I would talk to anybody that would talk to me. So depending on the type, because I didn’t know what would be good or not, I knew that all the other financial advisors were trying to work with medical residents. And there was like a, you know, there’s certain types of people they wanted to work with. And what I found is I didn’t work like the guys in my office. And I also got really annoyed going to networking events, and there would be 12 financial advisors there. And so I just started going places where the guys weren’t going on.

And so that’s sort of, I started doing certain types of networking, which led me to working with more business owners. And also, I made friends with people who really, who got what I did, because they were also doing it, they were also up there building their business. And so I think over time, you begin to just kind of get like, I really am not that effective at helping…Let me think. Who do I not help? Well, I am maybe not that effective…. I’m trying to think of who I don’t work with well. I haven’t done any any work with someone that wasn’t a good fit lately so it’s hard to think of it.

But like, I don’t like to work with surgeons. Surgeons make a ton of money. So in theory, that would be a great client for me. But in reality, they tend to be a lot more demanding, their schedules are crazy, and you’re like begging them to do things. And I don’t like to be in situations where I’m begging clients to do stuff when I’m working for them. Especially because they’re paying me to do it. And I also don’t like to go to hospitals. I’m weird, I don’t like to go to hospital. So I kind of developed this rule where I was like, I’ll work with a physician that’s in private practice. I like to work with nurse practitioners, they’re usually in like, you know, like an office complex, they’re not in the hospital, and I hate walking in the parking garage, and trying to find, like, all that stuff. That’s good enough of a reason for me not to work with those sort of people.

Now, don’t get me wrong. If I’m at brunch, and some girl’s like, “I’m a surgeon, I really want your help.” I’ll talk to her. But I’m not going to develop a market where I’m going out and trying to, like actively seek relationships where I’m in hospitals all the time because I don’t like that. It can be that simple.

Susan: yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: yeah, it can be that simple.

Susan: I think we’ve touched on this a little bit, because you have a financial piece that I think not a lot of other consulting firms can offer or consultants can offer. When you think about yourself, and what differentiates yourself from other consultants, that’s clearly a huge piece. What are some of the other things that have helped you differentiate yourself?Kristin O’Neal: So I’m a specialist when it comes to working with females primary income earners. So they’re the women you know, that out earns her husband or a girl that is single and out earns most of men she dates, like, that’s a really specific dynamic. And so there’s a lot of emotional stuff that goes along with that. And so I would say that’s one area. And I’m not shy about it, I think a lot of people might be. So that’s one area where I feel like I’m really differentiated. And I also, like I said, for the most part, will only really work with someone who’s in a service based business. So this is an attorney, someone in marketing. And then I’m only really here to work on a project type basis. So if you’re looking for ongoing support on the business coaching side, I probably wouldn’t be a good fit for that. And so that would be another way that I might be different than working with maybe a larger consulting firm.

Susan: Got it. But you have people that you can refer people to. So I think that that’s really helpful. And I also appreciate that you know your specialty, and you know what you’re good at. And for things that aren’t in your wheelhouse, you’re willing to share those with others. And it seems like you’re really good about connecting with other women and lifting other women who are also doing like their own thing. Like, you mentioned your business coach, how you referred people to her. And I think that that’s really fascinating. And I think that that’s so important to support other women. And as you’re supporting yourself, as you’re supporting your own clients, supporting other women and businesses. I think it’s really interesting and important.

Kristin O’Neal: It’s just really easy to do. I feel like the alternative, which is, well, I guess the alternative is do nothing. And then the other alternative is tear people down and tell people why you’re better than that other woman doing that over there. It’s kind of exhausting. It just feels like a lot of work to do it the other way. So why not just have friends and share with them and let them do what they’re good at. And you know, I do what I’m good at.

Susan: Well, and you’re also somebody who’s very to the point, which I appreciate. I think that that’s not always an easy person to find. You know, I can ramble on to the wall sometimes, you know, and have a conversation. But you’re like, nope, this is what I do, and this is who I can help, and this is what I offer. And I just think that that’s really refreshing.

Kristin O’Neal: Well, thank you. It’s a learned behavior. You know, in the beginning…And you’ll experience this, like you say yes to projects, and then you’re in them and you hate it. And you hate it and they’re paying you a lot of money and you still hate it, then something goes wrong, and you refund them all the money. And then you’re like, “This was a giant waste of time. This client was never a good fit. And I should never taken it.” Like, you learn that lesson once or twice, and then you just get really clear about who you’re not going to work for. And then that just saves you the time. But yeah, I’ve been accused of being direct more than once.

Susan: I love, though. I wish I was more that way. Like they’re things that I wish for.

Kristin O’Neal: I have learned to soften it, too.

Susan: Oh, yes. That’s a whole other podcast episode about how women have to soften themselves in the business world and in any world.

Kristin O’Neal: Yep. Actually moving to Dallas from Southern California, and LA, growing up in LA, I could say pretty much whatever I wanted and everyone thought it was cute. And then I moved to Dallas and really [Laughter]

Susan: yeah, I understand that a little bit.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I’ve learned how to do a lot of things differently in Dallas.

Susan: So I originally grew up in South Carolina, and had to learn things, and I learned things one way. And then I moved to New York City, and realized that I could talk a little more freely, if you will. So I did, but I said it with a southern accent. So everybody thought it was cute, and it was fine and all hunky dory. And then I moved to Dallas and I was like, “Oh, it’s a little bit of an in between. It’s like both New York and South Carolina at the same time, and I don’t know how to handle this.”

Kristin O’Neal: Bless your heart.

Susan: Bless your heart.

Kristin O’Neal: Bless your heart.

Susan: Okay, so this has been shorter than I thought it would be but I have loved every minute of it. Tell us, what do we need to know…If somebody is out there…Because a lot of my listeners are really just now, they’re moms who may have stayed at home a little bit, but they’ve got some space, they’re starting their own thing, they’re rediscovering themselves, really, that’s where they’re at. They’re at a point in their life where they can rediscover themselves and they’re going out there, and they’re figuring out who am I again? What am I as a mom now? And I still need my own thing. So what does that look like? And a lot of them are, you know, some of them are doing the MLM thing. Some of them are starting their own thing. And because you’ve been there, I think, a little bit, what are some of the things that you…Are there any pieces of advice, or words of wisdom that you would offer?

Kristin O’Neal: So much. Advice or words. think it’s more important when you have children, I don’t have children, I have a puppy so it’s not the same. But I think it’s more important for your children, that what you’re doing, like that what you’re leaving the house for, is really making an impact, or you’re getting what you want out of it. And so if it’s making money, or if it’s building relationships, or like, world peace, whatever you’re leaving the house for has to really be worth it. And so, when I was younger, my mom actually worked for a direct sales organization called and she didn’t work outside of the house, other than that, but she would go out at night and on the weekends and do parties. It’s kind of like a Pampered Chef William Sonoma kind of a thing, if you’re not familiar with it.

Susan: Yes.

Kristin O’Neal: And so as a child seeing her going out and doing that, I didn’t realize what impression that made on me, like, I become a lot of the “salesperson” that she was and is. And so that was like a positive thing that I saw growing up. But imagine if it had been like something that she had, like, and she was really trips and all that stuff She went to Rome, she did all that stuff. But imagine if it was like her coming home every night and just being miserable about it, or not being successful at it, because kids pick up on that stuff.

Susan: yes, they do.

Kristin O’Neal: So I would say make sure that what you’re doing is like really specific and meaningful. And that might mean that you need to do like some market research, you might need to call a few people or you know, go slower and like, really get your process down and really understand what your clients are looking for and get all that done right. It’ll keep you from having to do it later down the line, which can be a little more difficult fighting that. I guess that’s my advice for today. I’m like, “Is this what I’m saying to the world?” “Yes.” Build it like slow and good, instead of…Just a really great foundation, than like fast and loose and have to pick up the pieces later.

Susan: Okay, I know somebody in my audience is going to really appreciate that because I really appreciated that.

Kristin O’Neal: Oh, thank you. I was like, that’s good. We got one person.

Susan: So if that’s all you needed today, that is the one, because it was me, because I totally…

Kristin O’Neal: Good.

Susan: Even though I’m almost two years in, I’m totally there. Like, it’s hard. It’s hard when you feel like you have to be hustling all the time. Or you should.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah.

Susan: I feel like you should be even when you’re not.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, you don’t have to be. I wrote…I do.. I think one of the things…You might have wanted to ask me about, like, tools I use or something. I don’t know why I got the idea of that question.

Susan: I did. I totally missed the question.

Kristin O’Neal: That’s okay. I was like, I wrote something down, I made some notes before we talk. So one of the things I try to do, I’m not perfect at this, but I try to do is like use a goal planner every day, and I’ll talk about the one I use and about something else. But one of the things I wrote down today is a belief, which is I’m at the point in my career where I don’t have to work as hard and I make a lot of money. And I wrote that down, not because I feel like it’s true, but more because when I’m not working, I feel like I should be working. And at this point, I should be like really strategic and effective in the time that I am working, but I should like not be working when I’m not working, if that makes sense.

Susan: Yes.

Kristin O’Neal: And so it’s like thinking about working, right. Like, there was definitely a time period where I was always working. So I think being intentional with the time that you have set aside for work is important, which means you’re not, you know, taking your kids to the doctor and answering the phone and talking to girlfriends. I have a couple friends that I really love, but I’m Pacific Time Zone and they’re in Central and they call me at three o’clock because they’re off work. I’m not. So it’s just about kind of having those boundaries around your time, and… I don’t know if that answers your question.

Susan: No, it absolutely does. I was talking to another friend also in development this week, or last week, and she was talking about how she’s gone in and started just blocking her calendar with, okay, you know? And that way, she also doesn’t have to schedule stuff like outside like, “Nope, that’s for this. So if it fits this box, that’s great. But if it doesn’t, then it’s got to move to another, it’s got to go to a different time slot.” So I think that that is very, very important. And I’m learning to do that a little better.

Kristin O’Neal: The thing with self employed is not being off like…

Susan: Right.Kristin O’Neal: I will definitely go to a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday…Well, probably not on Tuesdays. I’m really busy Tuesday’s, but Friday at two o’clock. But what you don’t see is me working till seven or eight o’clock at night on a Friday. Like no one sees that part of entrepreneurship. They’re just like, “You can be off work whenever you want.” True. I can also take my laptop and go to Mexico for a week and work there. But there’s, you’re giving something up, there’s definitely a push and pour, give and take with that.Susan: You are absolutely correct. You’re absolutely correct. Well, thank you for bringing that background. Oh, and you said there was like one that you used that you really liked.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, so right now I’m using the best self journal. I like it because they also believe in periodization. And so they sell a journal that it’s a planner, but it’s highly customizable in terms of you can like start at any day, you don’t have to wait till January 1 or the end of a quarter to get started. And it’s set up to give you 12 weeks of space to plan your day, plan your month, write your goals out, commit to your goals. So I really like it and a little bit of journaling in gratitude morning and night, which is great.

I actually developed a journal last year. And one of the things I feel like I love journals, I also am the person that goes to school supplies section for no reason. And it’s hard for me because like I love journal, I love pens, I love pencil. Like, I don’t need any of this stuff and so I tried just not to go down the aisle. I love planners, not always have, I’ve always been one of those people who are really like, time-oriented. So the only thing I felt like, was missing from a lot of the journals I use was there was no sale, or revenue component to them. So I actually developed a journal that has a lot of the same characteristics but also takes into account, what do I need to make to be on track to live my best life? Like, hashtag right now. Hashtag living my best life.

Susan: Yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: What have I done specifically towards like, what tactics have I specifically done towards hitting that goal? How much money did I make today? Like, that kind of stuff. And so I have fully designed it. I’m trying to figure out how to print it. It will be called the Goal Planner because I’m really literal. And hopefully out this fall. You can’t see me but fingers are crossed. So if you want to keep track of me, ashtoncharles.co is my website. It’s A-S-H-T-O-N and then Charles, there’s a story behind the name on my website, check it out.

Susan: It’s a great story, I won’t leak it. But it’s a great story.

Kristin O’Neal: Don’t leak the story, they’ll never go to my website. Just kidding. I have an Instagram page, which I don’t have to very often. I think it’s @ashtoncharlesconsulting, maybe. It’s the same handle on Facebook. And I also am most of the way through with a book called The Girls Guide to Networking. I got a lot of feedback from men in of course, my industry on how to network, and relationships, but men and women turns out don’t build relationships the same way. And so I’ve really laid out like, what specifically it took to build my tribe. And now that I’ve moved from Dallas, back to San Diego, and I’m rebuilding again. Although I lived in San Diego before, it was 11 years ago, I was a child, basically, I wasn’t in this industry. And all of my friends have kids now and are married. That’s how I feel. And so their lives are different and they’re like not wanting to do the stuff I want to do and they’re also not trying to build businesses, I’m having to rebuild that community again. So proving that my method work, I’m out here, making really strategic connections, and it’s going a lot more smoothly this time. So I’m looking forward to having that out by the first of the year as well.

Susan: I was going to say when that comes out, send me a link because I want it.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I will do that. It’s mostly done.

Susan: And I want to share it with my audience, for sure.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I would love to do that. Thanks for doing that for me. I just felt like there was no book on it. And then everyone goes to these networking events and hands them a million business cards and they’re like, “No one ever calls me,” because you’re doing it wrong.

Susan: That’s not how we do it, yep.

Kristin O’Neal: But I had to put help from my business coach and just my own experience, I really had to get super strategic with how I did my networking. And now, in my business, most of my referrals come from other clients. But I do get incoming phone calls from referral partners who call to refer me business, which is not something that most people can say, at least in my industry. So wanted to share that with everyone. I feel like it’s easy, but it took me a while to get there. Like, it’s real intuitive but it took me a while to put it together, so I’ve put it together for you.

Susan: That’s awesome.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, thank you. Okay, two more things. I am really passionate about helping women build community, especially entrepreneurs. And so I do have a podcast; Season Two is pending, Season One is on iTunes, and all the cool places where podcast lives. It’s called The Tribe podcast by Ashton Charles. And essentially I’m just interviewing all my favorite business resources, mostly, but not all female. So my friend I mentioned that has a systems business, my business coach and my meditation coach, and my really good friend who’s in marketing, the person I like to refer to, like, do all the mortgages for my clients that I really love. Like, he’s a systems guru also, banker. So if you’ve ever wanted to know, like, do I really need to higher this CPA or this attorney? There is an episode more than likely about like, what this person does and when you should call them.

Susan: I love that. That’s awesome. And that is really needed.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I just felt like I was referring the same people over and over again. And you know, it’s scary to call an attorney out of the phone book, or however we Google.

Susan: Sure.

Kristin O’Neal: And be like, “Please don’t charge me a million dollars, I have this quick question” And so I have just identified some people that I’ve worked with in the past or that I really like that I think might be a good resource. And they’re all the type of people that would pick up the phone and answer your question and tell you, you either need to work with me or you don’t, or here’s what you should do. So that’s me sharing my network with all of you.Susan: I love it. And I will make sure to link your website, your podcast. When the book comes out, I’ll link that in the show notes as well. This has been an excellent conversation. I know it’s going to help somebody in my audience. It has definitely helped me. And I just really appreciate your time today, Kristin, it’s been a great having you on.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, of course. I appreciate it.

Susan: I don’t say that to everybody. I’ll probably edit that out.

Kristin O’Neal: I’m not going to go through all of your episodes and count, at who you said it turned out. I’ll actually be in Dallas on… When will I be in Dallas? I’m speaking at, University of Texas at Dallas is having a women’s conference, I’m doing a talk on vision casting called living your best life from inspiration to inspired action.

Susan: When is this? We need to talk about that.

Kristin O’Neal: It’s October 23rd, I believe. I would just say if you’re interested in attending this workshop, I am not headlining the workshop or the conference. My understanding is the founder of Poopourri is going to be the main speaker, and then they’re doing also a fireside chat with a woman who created Tips Treats. So either way, you’re getting cookies, which is good. But they’ll be a couple breakout session, I’m doing a breakout session called living your best life from inspiration to inspired action. And we’re going to talk about the first steps of vision casting and setting goals.

Susan: I think that’s excellent. And I think people who are located in Dallas, or the surrounding area who listen to this podcast should definitely check that out. And by the way, when you do go to those things, for me, those have been great networking opportunities, because those are like-minded women.

Kristin O’Neal: Right. They’re like-minded women, show up with… I try to show up to events like that, just with the intention to be present, and to help someone if help as needed. And I don’t go to those things like, “I’m going to find five clients today.” You know, that’s what the voice, they were like, “Go get five card, make somebody a client,” and then I just…It doesn’t feel like…

Susan: It doesn’t feel authentic, yeah.

Kristin O’Neal: So now I just show up, you know, wanting to learn something, give of myself and hopefully meet some people that I like.

Susan: Well, if you remember, I’ll try to look it up, but if you remember, shoot me a link to that. And I’ll make sure to link that as well. Thank you again, I really, really appreciate you being here and taking the time out of your busy work day to be with us. This has been really, really inspiring and really helpful.

Kristin O’Neal: Oh, thank you. It was a pleasure to be here. I’m glad to do it.

Susan: All right. Well, I will talk to you soon, friend, and I will try my darndest to get to that thing to your speaking engagement in October and see you again in person.

Kristin O’Neal: Okay, that would be great. Seems so busy and next month.

Susan: Good problems to have.

Kristin O’Neal: Yeah, I have a series of first world problems.

Susan: Don’t we all All right, friend. I will talk to you soon. Thanks so much.

Kristin O’Neal: Okay, of course. Bye-bye.

Susan: Bye-bye.